Teach

As we grow older, we tend to have thoughts and draw conclusions about who we are as a person and who we are in a specific role (e.g., as a parent or at work). Take a moment to write down eight to ten words or phrases that describe the kind of person you are. How did you describe yourself? Funny? Smart? Energetic? Flexible? Emotional? Loyal? Loving? It’s likely that some of your answers reflect particular personality traits, yet all of your descriptions offer a window into your sense of self. This course will help you better understand the concept of self and how it relates to your own competence, confidence, and well-being. It will also help explain how you can help staff members build their competence, confidence, and well-being.

What is a Sense of Self?

Our sense of self includes the feelings, associations, and identities that we consider most important about ourselves (American Psychological Association, 2022). Examples of things that help develop who we are as individuals include our families, occupations, hobbies, affiliations, abilities, personality traits, and spiritual beliefs. Strong connections to cultural heritage, family, and traditions also contribute to a sense of self. In many cultures around the world, introducing yourself includes making connections with your ancestors and community.

As we grow and mature over our lifetimes, our identities can also change depending on time and place. Relationships, parenthood, and other life events can help shape our identities. Think back on who you were 10 years ago. Do you feel like the same person now? Whether you were 19 or 59 a decade ago, it is likely that your concept of who you are has changed in some way. Perhaps you have accomplished major goals like earning a degree or starting a family and these events have changed how you see yourself. Perhaps experiences like caring for an aging parent or ending a long-term relationship have called into question things you thought you knew about yourself.

Your interactions with others can also shape your sense of self. For example, if your family praises your cooking ability you may come to believe that you are a good cook. However, if you were to enroll in a cooking class, your perception of your abilities may change when you are in the company of others with similar or more advanced culinary talents. In this example, your sense of self was altered, though your ability level remained the same. Your sense of self was not judged to be true or false, but rather good enough or not good enough because of the situation. If you truly enjoy cooking, though, and gain some joy from it regardless of who else is in your presence, you are less likely to need encouragement from others because you are motivated from within.

According to coaching expert Elena Aguilar (2018; p. 15), emotionally resilient educators build twelve habits to become their best selves:

In this lesson, we will focus on how you and staff members come to know yourselves. This includes knowing your core values, your cultural beliefs, and the purpose that gives your work meaning. We will define resilience as it relates to your sense of self and then explore each of the habits that can build your self-knowledge. In the next lessons, we will describe ways your work environments and interactions help build a positive sense of self among staff.

What is Resilience?

According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, there are individuals who seem to bounce back from negative events quite effectively. Being able to move on despite negative stressors demonstrates a concept known as resilience. Someone who is said to be resilient is effective at coping and adapting even when faced with loss, hardship, or adversity. They may still experience negativity and high levels of anxiety and frustration. However, someone who is resilient channels these experiences into action and continues to move towards their goals.

Resilience develops across a lifetime. We never stop learning. Every staff member has an opportunity to develop and enhance personal characteristics and other strengths that act as protective factors or help create a protective barrier to misfortune and change. These strengths, or protective factors, are developed within the context of important, safe, and responsive relationships. They can also be strengthened by protective factors found within the environments in which the staff member lives and works, as well as within the staff member himself or herself. The protective factors are closely tied to the development of self and social and emotional well-being.

Defining Your Values

Values are the core beliefs that drive your decisions and actions (Aguilar, 2018). When you are true to your values, you feel more consistent and confident. Values-based decisions help you set healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life. You can decide what opportunities are worth your time and energy and which are not aligned to your values. The first step in knowing yourself is to name the core values that best reflect you. Luckily, there are many tools to help you identify your values. For example, consider this list of values generated by leadership researcher, Dr. Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/

Challenge yourself to identify two core values that you think best define you and represent you at your best. Then reflect on what this value looks like in your work: what behaviors show yourself and others that you live this value? How do you feel when you aren’t living this value? What does it feel like to live this value fully?

Now think about the staff members you serve. Do staff members know and talk about their values? When a staff member is struggling, it can be helpful to remind them of why they do this work. When they face difficult decisions, help them identify the core values that can guide them.

Recognizing Your Cultural Beliefs

Culture helps define how individuals see themselves and how they relate to others. Remember that individuals differ in many ways: racial diversity, language diversity, cultural diversity, gender diversity, religious diversity, neurodiversity, and economic diversity (Selmi, Gallagher, & Mora-Flores, 2015). All these aspects of diversity work together to form your sense of self.

A family’s cultural values shape the development of its child’s self-concept: Culture shapes how we each see ourselves and others. Consider these proverbs and their messages about relationships between self and others:

• The nail that sticks out gets hammered down (Japanese proverb)
• The squeaky wheel gets the grease (American proverb)
•  A roaring lion kills no game (Ugandan proverb)
• Tall trees catch loads of wind (Dutch proverb)

Culture is so foundational that it can seem invisible to those within it. It is passed down through everyday interactions and stories like the proverbs above, and each of us learns who we are and how we are expected to behave with others. Traits like assertiveness, cooperation, competitiveness, and confidence may be taken for granted as “positive” or “negative” traits in different contexts, and people may show these traits in different ways at different times. Through interactions with people from a wide range of cultures, we learn to recognize the stories we have absorbed.  Young children may describe themselves based upon their family’s values (for example, a young child from a culture that stresses fitting in with others as a strong value may describe herself as “kind” while another child from a culture that stresses individualism may describe herself as “a good runner”). As a training and curriculum specialist, you assume the important task of helping staff members nurture their own—and children’s-- sense of self, and you must carefully observe and listen to each child, staff member, and family.

Two of the most studied aspects of culture related to the sense of self are independence and interdependence. Independence views individuals as separate from one another, and ideas such as self-esteem, individual choices, and assertiveness are valued. Interdependence means more value is placed on the group, and ideas like conformity, concern for others, and group decision-making are valued. Children come from families and cultures that value independence and interdependence in different ways at different times.

According to developmental psychologist Catherine Raeff, culture can influence how you, staff members, and children view:

• Relationships: Culture influences how you enter into and maintain relationships. For example, relationships may be seen as voluntary or as duty-based. This influences how adults interact with one another and with children: Do they choose whom to interact with or do they interact in certain ways to promote group welfare?
• Personality traits: Culture influences whether and how you value traits like humility, self-esteem, politeness, and assertiveness. Culture also influences how you perceive hardship and how you feel about relying on others.
• Achievement: Culture influences how you define success and whether you value certain types of individual and group achievements.
• Expressing emotions: Culture influences how and whether you consider feelings public or private.

Finding Your Purpose

A sense of purpose is what gives life meaning. In your professional life, purpose is what motivates you to come to work every day. Taking time to reflect on your purpose makes you a more effective leader and role model with staff. Consider these questions: What drives you? What leaves you feeling fulfilled and most satisfied? What are your goals for children, families, staff, and yourself? If it seems difficult to identify your purpose, consider these activities from the Greater Good Science Center:

• Reading a book or listening to an audiobook can spark new ideas and help you connect with ideas that motivate you. It doesn’t matter whether it’s fiction, biography, or an important spiritual text, reading can help you feel connected with your purpose.
• Build up your sense of awe. Notice the amazing things happening every day for children and families in your program. Celebrate your role in a toddler’s first steps or a staff member’s college degree. Realize that you are part of something bigger than yourself.
• Listen to what others appreciate about you. When someone thanks you, take a moment to connect with the good work you are doing.
• Connect with others. Look for a network of people who have the same passions as you. Build a community of coaches to celebrate your success and share your struggles.
• Consider journaling. Writing down your daily highlights and curiosities can help you focus on your purpose.

Model

What does this Mean for You?

As a Training & Curriculum Specialist, you are likely to encounter staff members from a variety of backgrounds and life experiences. It is important for you to understand the complexity of the influence of culture on identity, but it is also important for you to understand individual differences.  A staff member who has had a lifetime of encouragement, praise, and support may have very different needs from a staff member who has experienced extensive criticism, self-doubt, and isolation. You will need to understand the differences between these staff members to help them develop the level of confidence needed to be successful in their positions. You will also work with staff members who are facing adversity in their private and professional lives. They will feel different levels of comfort talking with you about their concerns. You will need to understand the concept of resilience and how to help staff members bounce back from challenges.

Observe

Watch the following video to review important concepts related to the sense of self.

Completing this Course

For more information on what to expect in this course and a list of the accompanying Learn, Explore and Apply resources and activities offered throughout the lessons, visit the Training & Curriculum Specialist Self & Cultural Understanding Course Guide. 

To support the professional development of the direct care staff members or family child care providers you oversee, you can access their corresponding Course Guides:

• Infant & Toddler Self & Cultural Understanding Course Guide
• Preschool Self & Cultural Understanding Course Guide
• School-Age Self & Cultural Understanding Course Guide
• Family Child Care Self & Cultural Understanding Course Guide