Know

Think about these three words: Safety, Stability, and Nurture. What do they mean? Think about a relationship in your own life that was represented by these three words. What did others in the relationship do that made it feel safe, stable, and nurturing? What impact did that relationship have on your life? Whether you recognize it or not, relationships like these likely shaped your outlook on the world and your ability to succeed. Let’s take a look at a few relationships that could be considered safe, stable, and nurturing.

Like all families, Chandra’s, Charlotte’s, and Ravi’s families have experienced some stress. Whether faced with single parenting, relocation, separation, financial or job-related stress, strong families are resilient and bounce back. No matter what, they make sure their children have safe, stable, and nurturing relationships. Chandra’s mom has extended family support, close friends, and a strong bond with her infant. She is beginning to build a strong relationship with the caregiver at the child development center. Charlotte’s parents understand her emotional needs. They help her maintain connections with old friends and build new friendships. Ravi’s family communicates with one another, celebrates one another, and spends time connecting and reconnecting.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention consider safe, stable, and nurturing relationships like these one of the “essentials of childhood.” Let’s explore how the Centers for Disease Control define these three words.

• Safety: Safety is “the extent to which a child is free from fear and secure from physical or psychological harm.” This means that adults protect child from harm. Adults regulate their own emotions and monitor children’s development.
• Stability: Stability is “the degree of predictability and consistency in a child’s environment.” This means the child comes to learn that the world is a manageable place. Consistent family routines are one way stability is provided for children.
• Nurture: Nurture is “the extent to which a parent or caregiver is available and able to sensitively respond to and meet the needs of their child.”

Safety, stability, and nurturing relationships are important throughout our lives. Unfortunately, trauma (like abuse or neglect) can damage or destroy a child’s sense of safety, stability, and nurture. This impacts development. Think about the school-age children in your care. Do all of them have relationships that are safe, stable, and nurturing? Based on what you have learned already in this course, it is clear that for some children the answer is, “no.” We do not have to accept that for an answer, though. It is our job to help strengthen families and help each and every person look back on their childhood and answer, “yes.”

You can do this by being aware of the stressors affecting your families. Being involved in a suspected case of child abuse or neglect can bring a great deal of stress to a family. The rest of this lesson will focus on (a) the behaviors or issues you might see after a family has been involved in a report and (b) how to help families that have experienced this kind of trauma. Remember: any time you are uncomfortable or don’t know what to do, you can go to your T&Cs or supervisor for help. You do not need to face anything alone.

A person’s support system will greatly impact their ability to be resilient. Safe, stable, and nurturing relationships provide a great support system. Resilience is seen in a person’s emotional and physiological response after a traumatic event occurs. Resilience is the ability that helps a family to navigate stressful situations, manage the effects of trauma and begin on a path of positive development.  You can work to build resilience in yourself, students, and their families by utilizing protective factors.

See

Some family members who are involved in allegations of child abuse or neglect may have experienced trauma. This might mean they experienced abuse or neglect themselves as children, there may be domestic violence toward adults in the home, or they may experience family or community violence.

Trauma can influence how a family interacts with you. Look for these characteristics (Preventing Child Maltreatment, 2013):

Families that have experienced trauma may find it difficult to build trusting relationships with you. It might not be easy for them to trust anyone.

Families might perceive aggression or danger where it does not exist. They may struggle with keeping themselves or their children safe. You might find yourself questioning their decision-making.

• They may abuse drugs or alcohol.
• They may have a hard time controlling their emotions.
• They may seem numb or “shut down.”

Watch this video to learn more about supporting families impacted by trauma.

Do

The following list of strategies is from the Preventing Child Maltreatment and Promoting Well-Being: A Network for Action 2013 Resource Guide. Consider ways you can use these strategies to support families who have experienced trauma:

• Talk to your T&Cs or administrator for support any time you have a concern about a family.
• Understand that parents’ reactions (including anger, resentment, or avoidance) may be reactions to trauma. Do not take them personally.
• Remember that parents who have experienced trauma are not “bad.” Blaming or judging them is likely to make the situation worse.
• Recognize that all parents want their children to be safe and healthy. Compliment parents’ good decisions and healthy choices when you see them.
• Stay calm and keep your voice as neutral and non-threatening as possible. Model direct and honest communication.
• Be consistent. When you make a commitment, follow through.
• Be aware that you could experience secondary traumatic stress, which can occur when you see or hear about trauma to others. Take care of yourself and take time to address your own reactions when you feel you are getting overwhelmed.
• Promote the protective factors.

You should become aware of the resources available to families in your community or on your installation:

• The military Family Advocacy Program, victim advocacy, and transitional compensation exist to address family abuse through prevention, intervention, treatment and victim assistance. Visit http://www.militaryonesource.mil/abuse for more information.
• The Family Readiness System (FRS) is the network of programs, services, people, and agencies, and the collaboration among them, that promotes the readiness and quality of life of service members and their families. The services available through the Family Readiness System can help families develop new skills and tackle life’s challenges in every stage of military life. Services vary by installation but may include: mobility and deployment assistance, relocation assistance, personal financial management, spouse education and career services, family life education, emergency family assistance, domestic abuse prevention and response services, child abuse prevention and response services, new parent support, exceptional family member support, non-medical individual and family counseling, transition assistance, morale, welfare, and recreation, and Information and referral.
• Non-medical counseling is available to all Service members and their families at no cost. Non-medical counseling programs provide confidential, short term counseling to active duty members, National Guard and reserve service members and their families. Counselors possess a master’s or doctorate degree in a mental health field and are licensed or certified in a state, territory or the District of Columbia to practice independently. Non-medical counseling is designed to address issues such as improving relationships at home and work, stress management, adjustment issues (for example, returning from a deployment), marital problems, parenting, and grief and loss issues. These personal sessions are available face-to-face, by phone, and online. Non-medical counseling is not designed to address long-term issues such as child abuse or neglect, domestic violence, suicidal ideation and mental health issues, but it can be an option for families that are facing short-term stressors. For more information, visit https://www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help/non-medical-counseling.

Just like this lesson opened with examples of children in safe, stable, and nurturing relationships, let’s end this lesson with an example of ways you can reduce stress in a family that has experienced trauma. Consider Kyle and his mother:

Kyle had experienced neglect in his home, and his mother is currently receiving help in the community after the report and investigation. You have noticed Kyle is acting out much more than usual. At the end of the day when Kyle’s mom comes to pick him up, you see your coworker run up to her and say, “You need to sign this incident report. Kyle hit 4 other children today. If this keeps up, we may have to recommend another placement for him.”

Kyle’s mother breaks down in tears and says, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve taken off so much time from work trying to be a better mom. If I lose this after-school space, I’m afraid I’ll be fired. What am I going to do?” She pulls a crying Kyle out the door.

The next day when Kyle’s mom comes in, you rush up and say, “Good news! We had a few issues, but Kyle did much better today. We are making progress!” A smile comes across both Kyle’s and his mother’s face. You feel good knowing that just putting things in perspective can help reduce stress in the family.

Remember, you are a team, working alongside the child’s family and your co-workers. Be honest with the family and communicate how the child is doing while remembering to offer the family support. If a child is struggling, discuss ways you are supporting the child and what the family can do at home.