Teach

As you read the scenarios, perhaps you felt a pang of empathy for the children, families, or staff members. Some individuals weren’t receiving positive messages about their identities. These kinds of scenarios can happen in any program. As a training and curriculum specialist, you can help all program staff think about how the physical and social environment of your program influence the sense of self. You can think critically about the messages families receive while completing forms or reading bulletin boards, you can listen and reflect with staff members about conversations you overhear between children or youth, and you can carefully observe and provide feedback to staff members about the ways their interactions promote healthy self concepts. By doing so, you can help children, families, and staff members feel confident and proud of their identities. This lesson will help you identify specific ways to meet this important goal. Take a few moments to consider alternative ways staff members might have responded to the scenarios that opened the lesson:

• Infant Hayden buries his head in his mom’s shoulder and peers out to smile at the baby who crawls over to see them. The teacher laughs and says, “I can tell you’re so excited to see your friends.” A few minutes later, Josie arrives with her mother. Like Hayden, Josie buries her head in her mother’s shoulder and smiles as she turns to glimpse her teacher. This time the teacher says, “We’re so glad you’re here! Hayden and Mariah are playing with books. Would you like to come over?”
• Zoe points to her friend’s Sleeping Beauty T-shirt and says, “I want hair like the princess.”  The teacher replies, “What do you like about the princess’s hair?” Zoe thinks for a minute and says, “She can hide her pet lizard in it!” The teacher smiles and says, “That would be fun. It’s pretty amazing what our bodies can do.”
• You hear Josue say the name Joshua is “way better” than his Spanish name. You pause and say, “You can choose what you like to be called here, and if you want to go by a nickname that is your right…. but I’d like to learn about your name. Do you know the story of how you got your name? Do other people in your family have the name Josue?”
• Clarice, a new mom, fills out the intake paperwork and developmental screeners for her infant. She struggles to answer personal questions and is relieved to see a statement that she can skip any question or talk to an administrator in person about the form. 

Practices that Promote a Healthy Sense of Self Among Children

There are many ways your program promotes a healthy sense of self among children, families, and staff members. This section will introduce you to three promising ideas: embracing diversity, embracing character, and embracing families’ experiences through special considerations for promoting a sense of self in children of military families.

Embracing Diversity

The diversity of your program is its greatest strength. Each child, family, and staff member has a chance to learn from and with a wide range of people. It is not enough, though, to simply bring people together. You must also create an environment that embraces diversity and helps nurture a healthy sense of self for each individual. It can be helpful to begin by looking around the program: how are children, families, and staff learning to see themselves and others in the program spaces? When your program embraces diversity and works to address bias, several important things can happen: children develop pride in themselves and their families, they find joy in human diversity, they develop the skills necessary to navigate conflicts and recognize unfairness, and they stand up for themselves and others (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2020). These are outcomes that most educators would agree are important, but it takes a great deal of intentionality to make them a reality. You can help staff members be mindful of the impact that media messages, choices of classroom materials, and responses to questions have on children’s development of self. Work with staff to ensure learning environments promote a healthy sense of self by asking yourself and staff these questions:

• Does artwork and displays represent children’s own experiences? Even better, are artwork and displays made by children, staff, and families themselves?
• Are labels and signage printed in children’s home languages as well as English?
• Do children’s books feature lived experiences of people with a wide range of races, languages, nationalities, social classes, abilities, and family make-ups?
• Do pretend foods and play materials reflect children’s homes?
• Do activities and programs promote positive cultural identities? For example, are children and youth encouraged to learn and share their family stories? Are materials free of bias and stereotypes?
• Are children encouraged to notice and talk about differences, and do adults nurture positive attitudes about differences?
• Are families’ interests, skills, and strengths shared and valued in the program?
• Are children described in strengths-based ways? For example, do staff describe children’s curiosity, leadership, and eagerness to learn, or do they focus on challenges?
• Do coaches and program leaders have open and supportive discussions with families or staff when there is a conflict between cultural values and program policies (for example, when a family’s preference conflicts with program’s infant safe sleep policies)?
• Are there multiple ways for children and staff to learn and show what they know? For example, are there opportunities to learn and show learning through storytelling, movement, and collaboration?
• Do staff learn about words families use at home to describe their families? What do children call the adults in their home? Are program forms and discussions inclusive of diverse birth stories (adoption, foster homes, surrogacy, etc.)?
• Do adults speak up when they see unfair treatment such as racism, sexism, classism, or ableism? Do adults teach children and youth to take action in the face of unfairness?

As you work to build an environment that promotes a healthy sense of self, you can think back to the values you identified in Lesson 1. It takes courage, creativity, and teamwork to build a vibrant, diverse program. Talking about identities such as race, gender, ability, and social class can lead to discomfort, particularly for individuals who have not been asked to reflect on how others perceive them before. As a leader, you must recognize that staff members will be at different places depending on their personal histories and experiences. The following practices can help you embrace diversity in your program:

• Model courageous conversations. In other words, “practice what you teach.” Provide honest feedback, ask important questions, and talk about your own growth and learning.
• Learn from your mistakes. Consider the ways you can “fail forward.” When you don’t know the answer or you make a bad decision, talk about how you have learned from that experience. Build the expectation that every adult in the program is a learner, and mistakes are part of that learning.
• Recognize that tension is a sign that people care a lot about what is happening in your program (Derman-Sparks, LeeKeenan, & Nimmo, 2015). Name the tension and explore healthy ways for your program to navigate conflict.
• Build in time for connections. Make sure staff members have opportunities to talk with you and one another. Plan creative ways for staff to continue getting to know one another. Plan friendly ice-breakers for meetings: what smell do you associate with summer? What was your favorite book as a child? What's your earliest memory of music?
• Be there for staff members when they aren’t sure what to say. Offer to role play conversations and preview written materials.
• Ensure your program recognizes the range of global holidays staff and families may celebrate. Create a calendar that helps staff remain aware of special days. Explore this resource from Washington state and see if your state or installation offers a similar tool: https://www.k12.wa.us/policy-funding/equity-and-civil-rights/information-families-civil-rights-washington-schools/religion-schools/common-religious-and-us-public-holiday-calendars

Embracing Character

Your program may use a formal character education curriculum. One example is the Character Counts curriculum by the Josephson Institute. This curriculum proposes six pillars of character. Whether you use this (or any other) character education curriculum, consider how these six pillars may influence the sense of self, positive relationships, and pride in one’s identity and culture:

• Trustworthiness. Be honest and loyal and keep your promises.
• Respect. Act courteously. Accept others.
• Responsibility.  Follow through on your actions and complete your tasks.
• Fairness. Treat people equitably.
• Caring. Show compassion and gratitude.
• Citizenship. Improve the well-being of others.

You can learn more about the six pillars at https://charactercounts.org/six-pillars-of-character/

You can also access lesson plans and other resources through the 4H Military Partnership: https://4-hmilitarypartnerships.org/resources/educator-resources/character-education

How do these pillars guide or shape your work? How do they guide or shape your personal life? Take a few minutes to think about how embracing these six pillars can shape the work you do with staff members around promoting a sense of self. Talk with your program manager about any required character education programs and your role in supporting staff.

Embracing Family Experiences: Programs Serving Military Families

Think about the military families you know or serve. How are their identities shaped by the experience of being military families? For many families, military service and personal identity is intertwined. Consider these potential reasons:

• Living on a military installation. Many families, military and civilian alike, base their identities in some part on where they live. Where a family lives sends messages about their lifestyles, preferences, and experiences. For military families, living on an installation can build a strong sense of community. This helps shape how the family sees itself in relation to others.
• Deployment. Deployment is one of the most stressful events a family can experience. Families must learn to adapt to changing circumstances before, during, and after a deployment. The Service member’s sense of self may change drastically as a result of experiences during deployment. Family members, particularly a spouse, can also experience changes in how they perceive themselves after long periods of independence or single parenthood.
• Frequent moves. A Permanent Change of Station (PCS) can cause a great deal of stress for families as children adjust to new schools, programs, and friends. Children or family members may reinvent themselves in a new location, or they may struggle to define themselves in a new school or community.
• Work hours. Military family members may also work unconventional or long hours when they are home.
• Retirement and return to civilian life. Many individuals who retire from military service are young and find themselves ready for a second career. This can be a difficult transition. Service members may have a difficult time finding new employment that values their skill set. They may feel a sense of loss as they leave the active-duty community and may struggle to develop their civilian identity.
• Remember that issues that affect civilian families affect military families, too: divorce or marital conflict, unemployment for a spouse or partner, and health care needs are just a few of the events that can shape a family’s identity.

Military life is not all about challenges, though. Military families have a variety of supports that you can help families maximize. Military families are often part of a strong military community. They may live on an installation with other military families, and they may have a group of friends in similar circumstances. They also have access to health-care, mental-health, and advocacy resources through their service or installation. These can be valuable assets for families as they work to define themselves. Finally, they have access to you—military child care. You understand the families’ contexts and can be a valuable source of social support.

Here are some additional ways to support military families, based on recommendations from families surveyed in the National Military Family Association Report on the Cycles of Deployment (2006):

• Help a family to be realistic in their expectations of themselves and of each other. This applies to deployment, permanent change station, retirement, and other major life transitions. Help families open lines of communication with one another about their expectations, fears, and excitement.
• Provide families with information about what they can expect before, during, and after deployment or other transitions. Recognize that every child’s response may be different on the basis of age, developmental stage, and temperament.
• Offer ongoing discussions and support to families with regard to return and reunion challenges.
• Remember that families—even those with experience—do not always have the information and support they need.

Communicating With Families About Their Child’s Sense of Self

Cultural practices deeply influence how adults support children’s development of self and self-esteem. All children develop in the context of their cultural background and their family’s values. It is important that you demonstrate respect for each family and child enrolled in the program.

Collaborating with family members is very important to reach an understanding about the caregiving practices your staff uses to support children’s self-concept. According to Louise Derman-Sparks and colleagues (2015), cultural values are most likely to influence caregiving practices like:

• Discipline and child guidance
• Gender roles and expectations
• Sleep and mealtime routines
• Attachment and separation
• Children’s responsibilities at home and in the program
• Beliefs about teachers’ roles
• Value of play

There may be difficult situations where you will need to work with the program manager to understand families’ and staff members’ perspectives. For example, consider the situation of a family who is upset when they arrive at the school-age program to see their 6-year-old sitting out during a large group game. You learn this was the child’s choice, and the staff member had honored the child’s desire to sit and read. The child was supervised and safe, but they had vocally resisted joining the game.  The family feels strongly that their child has disrespected the staff member and should not be allowed to refuse participation in group activities. The staff member is not sure how to honor the family’s wishes and the program’s policies around youth choices. There is not one right or wrong answer in such situations: You will need to build relationships with each family to understand their values and beliefs. Sometimes program policies will differ from families’ wishes, but the policies are deemed to be important for the program as a whole. In these situations, clear written policies and explanations of what the policy looks like in the classroom or program can help families understand why some decisions are made.

Demonstrating mutually respectful and trusting relationships for all families, staff, and children must always be your goal. Your positive leadership is critical to maintaining a warm, responsive environment where children feel safe to develop their sense of self. Follow these steps to work through cultural conflicts in a way that promotes a healthy sense of self (Derman-Sparks, et al., 2015):

1. Acknowledge that a cultural difference exists and that tensions have occurred. Identify the emotions that are coming up for you and all the parties involved.
2. Take time to gather information about the situation. What are the family’s priorities for their child? What are the child’s experiences at home and in the program? How do you feel about what you’re learning? Where can you as a program flex to meet the family, and where can’t you flex?
3. Make changes that reflect your program’s commitment to the child and their family. Identify changes that would be inconsistent with your program’s values and discuss why those changes will not be made.

Defining Self-Care Practices for Children and Adults

Child and youth development programs are high energy, stressful work environments, but they can also be work environments that nurture staff members as well as children. As a trainer or coach, you can create opportunities for staff members to take care of themselves physically and mentally. This is a concept known as self-care. Self-care is a very active and powerful choice to engage in activities that maintain health and prevent disease. This includes not just the physical, but the psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual components of an individual’s well-being. You can work with the program manager to create an environment that supports the staff and children to engage in self-care. Your own self care practices can be a starting place to demonstrate the importance of self-care for staff and children. Ask these questions from the Childcare Technical Assistance Network to help yourself and staff members develop self-care strategies:

Increasing Health and Well-Being

• What is one thing I did in the past month to support my health?
• What is one thing I can do tomorrow to take a step toward better health? For example, you could call your doctor to schedule a long-overdue appointment, commit to making one healthy food choice, or take a brisk walk to get your heart pumping and boost your energy.
• Do my nutritional choices support my health and well-being? If not, what positive changes can I make?
• What do I need to be happier and healthier?
• What is one phone call I can make or website I can visit to move me forward on my journey toward a stronger sense of well-being?

Promoting Happiness and Reducing Stress

• Do I experience stress connected to my work? Are there other sources of stress?
• What tools or resources can I use to help me manage stress?
• In what areas of my life could I use some support?
• What resources are available in my community to help me meet these needs?
• What activities make me feel relaxed and happy?
• When can I schedule some “me” time, even just for a few moments, to do something that will help me be balanced and reduce my stress?

Getting Support from Mentors

• Whom do I know and respect that might serve as a strong mentor to me?
• How can this mentor help me in my work with children or youth?
• When can I approach this person to schedule a time to talk about a possible mentoring relationship?

Developing Supportive Peer Relationships

• Which of my friends or colleagues has professional beliefs and philosophies that are like my own? How can I spend more time with this person?
• In what ways can I confide in, listen to, and develop a mutually supportive relationship with this person?
• How might this person’s positive outlook benefit my work with young children and their families?
• How might I positively influence this person’s work?

Self-care practices can bring staff and families together too. Parenting can be stressful, and the self-care strategies you support for staff may also benefit families. For example, families may enjoy helping with the program’s garden and point out to the children how cooking and gardening are ways to relax and manage stressful events. Families may be invited to join a brief mindfulness practice with their youth at pick-up or drop-off. Seek out resources in your community to bring self-care practices to your center. You may find some wonderful volunteers who are eager to share their expertise. You can also explore resources designed to promote a culture of care in childcare programs. For example, explore these resources from Cultivate Learning’s Resilience and Well-being page:  https://cultivatelearning.uw.edu/resource-spotlight/resiliency-and-wellness/

Model

Your Role in Promoting a Sense of Self and Self-Care

The environments in which we work can have a significant influence on our well-being and on our level of self-care. Your role is to equip staff members with the strategies they need to be successful in their jobs. Individuals who work in a supportive and caring environment may have a better outlook on life and feel better about coming to work every day, even if the work is challenging at times. Those working in a high-stress environment with little support may be more likely to experience the effects of burnout. According to child-care professional Jeff Johnson (2007), most burnout comes from the environments in which we operate but don’t really have much control over. Think of a teacher who has a classroom of young children and is constantly getting more new children, but no additional classroom support. Or think of an emergency room doctor who is working in one of the busiest trauma hospitals in the country. Although both of these individuals may love their jobs, it is likely they are going to become overwhelmed because their work environments make it almost impossible for them to do as good of a job as they may wish.  Staff commonly personalize their burnout and blame themselves for their condition, according to Johnson. This can happen to even the best employees: We want to do a good job, but simply cannot due to our environmental circumstances.

Building a staff-member-friendly environment can help to reduce the stress of staff members. Johnson (2010) has the following suggestions relevant to training and curriculum specialists:

• Provide clear expectations and feedback: Turnover at child development and school-age programs can be high, but it is very important to make sure everyone is well-prepared and supported in their work.
  • Affirm the program’s missions, goals, and philosophy with new staff members. Explain that the trainings they will complete in their first few months on the job are designed to help them keep children safe and healthy. Your role is to support them as they learn to provide excellent interactions, environments, and experiences.
  • Encourage experienced staff members to mentor and support new staff members. During conversations with new staff members, suggest that they observe in the classrooms or programs of more experienced staff.
  • Be intentional in giving feedback. Be specific and positive: “I noticed you having a really deep conversation with Tyra in the school-age program about her guitar lessons; it’s great to see you making connections with the youth about their interests.”  Try to avoid general or contradictory statements like, “You’re doing a great job with the toddlers, but try to be a little neater during snack time.”
  • Express appreciation to staff members and celebrate their success.
• Help staff members set goals: Help staff members develop a list of long- and short-term goals. One staff member may set a goal to finish the CDA program; another might set a goal to use two new stress reduction strategies. A third might set a goal to tell a joke to the kindergartners every day. When people start to get burned out, it is easy to lose sight of dreams and ambitions and things that make you happy. Whenever possible, ask staff members what kinds of training they would like, rather than deciding for them. When staff members are forced to attend trainings they find useless or unmotivating they are not developing professionally.
• Nurture professional relationships: Staff members do not have to be best friends or even like each other, but they do need to work with each other in a professional manner. As a training and curriculum specialist, it is important to model the behavior you want to see in others. Slow down and make the time to connect with staff members. It will help strengthen relationships and make you more approachable in the future.

Additionally, celebrating victories, great or small, with your staff members can help demonstrate a level of appreciation and support. The Apply section has a list of ideas for celebrations and rituals that help build a sense of wellness in your program.

Observe

Watch this video for additional ideas about ways to reduce stress in your program.