- Define sense of self.
- Reflect upon your sense of self.
- Understand how culture and experiences influence an individual’s sense of self.
Learn
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” —Henry S. Haskins
Know
As we grow older, we tend to have thoughts and draw conclusions about who we are as a person and our roles (e.g., as a parent or at work). Take a moment to write down eight to ten words or phrases that describe the kind of person you are. How did you describe yourself? Funny? Smart? Energetic? Flexible? Emotional? Loyal? Loving? It’s likely that some of your answers reflect particular personality traits, yet all of your descriptions offer a window into your sense of self. This course will help you better understand the concept of self and how it relates to your own competence, confidence, and well-being. It will also help explain how you can help children, families, and staff members build their competence, confidence, and well-being.
What is a Sense of Self?
Our sense of self includes the roles, attributes, behaviors, feelings, and associations that we consider most important about ourselves (American Psychological Association, 2022).. Examples of things that help develop who we are as individuals include our families, occupations, hobbies, affiliations, abilities, personality traits, and spiritual beliefs. How we identify and how we feel about ourselves is largely the result of our culture, environment, and immediate surroundings. For example, if you are part of an encouraging or nurturing environment, you are more likely to feel accepted and self-confident in your abilities. Whereas if you are part of an unsupportive or negative environment, you may have difficulty discovering who you are due to a lack of acceptance and encouragement to explore your interests and positive attributes. Think of a person you know who is confident in their ability to perform a particular task or skill. Chances are this individual has received positive feedback and support from others, which helped to further the development of these skills and foster a sense of identity.
As we grow and mature over our lifetimes, our identities can change depending on time and place. Relationships, parenthood, and other life events can help shape our identities. Think back on who you were 10 years ago. Do you feel like the same person now? Whether you were 19 or 59 a decade ago, it is likely that your concept of who you are has changed in some way. Perhaps you have accomplished major goals like earning a degree or starting a family and these events have changed how you see yourself. Perhaps experiences like caring for an aging parent or ending a long-term relationship have called into question things you thought you knew about yourself.
Your interactions with others can also shape your sense of self. For example, if your family praises your cooking ability you may come to believe that you are a good cook. However, if you were to enroll in a cooking class, your perception of your abilities may change when you are in the company of others with similar or more advanced culinary talents. In this example, your sense of self was altered, though your ability level remained the same. Your sense of self was not judged to be true or false, but rather good enough or not good enough because of the situation. If you truly enjoy cooking, though, and gain some joy from it regardless of who else is in your presence, you are less likely to need encouragement from others because you are motivated from within.
According to Ylvisaker (2006), there are seven experiences that contribute to the construction of a positive and productive sense of self:
1. Acceptance and respect
The level of acceptance and respect from relevant adults remains a strong contributor to an individual’s sense of personal identity at all ages. Respect for others is communicated through the expression of genuine thoughts and interests, as well as holding reasonably high standards for their behaviors and ability levels.
2. Success with meaningful tasks
A positive sense of self and self-esteem come from meaningful achievements.
3. Association of positive role models
People who are reminded of someone with strong values or great inner strength prior to beginning a difficult task tend to put more effort into the task and achieve at higher levels than if they had not had the positive association before beginning the task.
4. Honest feedback
When giving feedback, it should be honest, respectful, and specific to the task at hand. Rather than saying, “Good job!” to a co-worker who successfully diffuses a situation with an angry parent, saying something like, “You did a great job listening to that parent and helping them understand our policies and procedures. It means a lot that they left with a smile on their face.”
5. Genuinely challenging and meaningful tasks
Creating experiences and opportunities that are meaningful and the right amount of challenge can help contribute to a positive sense of self.
6. Opportunities for meaningful peer interaction
Finding opportunities for ongoing support from and collaboration with peers can help contribute to a positive sense of self.
7. Coping with defeats
Defeats are a normal part of everyday life. Sometimes things do not work out or go as planned. Learning how to deal with setbacks and turn them into opportunities for growth will help to build a positive sense of self.
Defining What You Value
Building a strong sense of self is a lifelong task of figuring out who you are, what you value and what is important to you. Understanding who you are can be challenging when you live in a culture that constantly sends messages about who you should be and what you should be like. You must distinguish yourself by figuring out what your values and beliefs are. Values are the core beliefs that drive your decisions and actions (Aguilar, 2018). When you are true to your values, you feel more consistent and confident. Values-based decisions help you set healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life. You can decide what opportunities are worth your time and energy and which are not aligned to your values. The first step in knowing yourself is to name the core values that best reflect you. Luckily, there are many tools to help you identify your values.
Challenge yourself to identify two core values that you think best define you and represent you at your best. Then reflect on what this value looks like in your work: what behaviors show yourself and others that you live this value? How do you feel when you aren’t living this value? What does it feel like to live this value fully? Now think about the staff members you supervise. Do staff members know and talk about their values? When a staff member is struggling professionally, it can be helpful to remind them of why they do this work. When they face difficult decisions, help them identify the core values that can guide them.
What is Resilience?
According to researchers from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, there are individuals who bounce back from negative events quite effectively, whereas others struggle to move on from negative experiences.. Being able to move on, despite negative stressors, demonstrates a concept known as resilience. Someone who is said to be resilient is able to cope and adapt even when faced with loss, hardship, or adversity. That is not to say that they don’t experience negativity or high levels of anxiety or frustration. Instead, someone who is resilient is able to focus on positive aspects and emotions of the situation at a greater rate.
Resilience develops across a lifetime. We never stop learning. Every child, family, and staff member has an opportunity to develop and enhance personal characteristics and other strengths that act as protective factors and help build resiliency. These protective factors are developed within the context of safe, nurturing, and responsive relationships. Protective factors can also be strengthened within the environments in which individuals live and work. The protective factors within oneself are closely tied to the development of a strong sense of self and social and emotional well-being.
Emotionally healthy adults have an inner, secure base. This secure base allows them to bounce back from difficulties they may encounter with others, both in their work and personal relationships. Adults with a strong sense of self are resilient when faced with life challenges. They are secure in knowing that they can bounce back from difficult situations. An important part of your role as a Program Manager is encouraging a positive sense of self in the staff you supervise as well as the children you care for.
Supervise & Support
As a Program Manager, you wear many hats. As a leader, your daily actions influence the climate in the center. You can intentionally create an atmosphere where children and staff are encouraged to learn about their special talents and feel safe when approaching you with concerns. As the leader, encourage your staff members as they explore their own gifts and talents and in turn provide the children with meaningful experiences that they need to develop their self-concept.
Sense of Self: An Introduction
Influences of Culture and Experiences on Sense of Self
Culture influences how individuals see themselves and how they relate to others. Remember that individuals differ in many ways: language, racial identity, culture, gender, religion, disability, and socioeconomic status (Selmi, Gallagher, & Mora-Flores, 2015). All of these aspects of diversity work together to form your sense of self.
It is important for you as the Program Manager to acknowledge and understand that children and staff members may not develop a sense of self in the same manner. A family’s cultural values shape the development of their child’s self-concept. For example, some cultures prefer children to be quiet and respectful when around adults. This does not indicate that their child lacks self-confidence. It is important to remember that not all families reinforce the mainstream American cultural values of individualism, competition, and assertiveness. Young children learn and absorb the stories told to them that often emphasize a family’s values and influence a child’s self -concept. An individual’s self-concept is formed by the cultural values imparted by the family. As children grow older and attend school and spend leisure time with their peers, they learn that others may not have the same values as their family. For instance, some families may value academics over playing sports, while another family may value the arts and their children are encouraged to learn to play an instrument. Each family influences its children’s self-concept within its cultural context. Young children may describe themselves based upon their family’s values (e.g., a young child from a culture that stresses fitting in with others as a strong value may describe themself as “kind”, while another child from a culture that stresses individualism may describe themself as “a good runner.”). As caregivers are given the important task of nurturing the children’s sense of self, you and your staff must carefully observe and listen to each child. As the program leader, you demonstrate active listening to children and demonstrate respect for each child’s individual gifts and talents.
Thinking About the Sense of Self
As a Program Manager, you serve as a leader and role model for your program community. You demonstrate a positive sense of self through your interactions with children and families, and through your leadership strategies and communication with your colleagues. If you take the time to consider everyone's strengths and needs, you make it clear that your program is a place where everyone is valued and accepted. If you are clear about your values and how they align with your program’s goals, others will be better able to recognize their own shared goals and values. Developing a positive sense of self can be easier with the help of a supportive community. As a Program Manager, you play an important role in making your program a supportive community for children, families and staff.
Completing This Course
For more information on what to expect in this course and a list of the accompanying Learn, Explore and Apply resources and activities offered throughout the lessons, visit the Management Self & Cultural Understanding Course Guide.
To support the professional development of the direct care staff members or family child care providers you oversee, you can access their corresponding Course Guides:
Explore
As the Program Manager, you are attuned to many aspects of the child-care program (the physical environment, social interactions among families, children, and staff, and the emotional environment of the workplace). You hold a great deal of responsibility in your role as a leader. As you explore your own values and sense of self, you may find new ways to support others to create an accepting environment to work, learn and connect with others. Use the Promoting a Strong Sense of Self activity to reflect on your own sense of self, and the role you have as a leader who promotes a relationship-based, caring environment.
Apply
As a manager, you can play a significant role in helping staff members identify and define their sense of self. In so doing, you prepare them for the important work of helping infants, toddlers, children, and youth develop their own senses of self. Just like children and youth, adults learn in the context of relationships. Therefore, you should be planful and intentional in how you form relationships with each staff member.
Use the Building Positive Relationships with Staff Members guide to help you get to know the individuals you supervise better.. Consider the questions in the guide and make a plan for learning about and acknowledging individual staff members’ sense of competence and confidence.
Glossary
Demonstrate
Aguilar, E. (2018). Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators. Jossey-Bass.
American Psychological Association. (2022). APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org
Berk, L. E. (2012). Child development (9th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Baker, A. C., & Manfredi-Petit, L. A. (2004). Relationships, the heart of quality care: Creating community among adults in early care settings. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC).
Harvard Center on the Developing Child. (n.d.). Resilience. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/resilience/