Know

"But here's the problem: your brain preferentially scans for, registers, stores, recalls, and reacts to unpleasant experiences … it's like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. Consequently, even when positive experiences outnumber negative ones, the pile of negative implicit memories naturally grows faster. Then, the background feeling of what it feels like to be you can become undeservedly glum and pessimistic." -Hanson, 2009

Processing experiences to ensure survival is one of the principal roles of your brain. Have you ever noticed that your negative experiences-which are processed as bad, horrible, frightening, life-threatening or anxiety-producing--always seem to be right there on the top of your mind? Whether conscious or unconscious, negative experiences affect you by influencing your thoughts, perspectives, moods, and behaviors. In short, the brain is Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. Although six positive events and one small upsetting encounter may have occurred in your day, most likely you will only focus on and recall the event that was disturbing. Your brain is a magnet for the negative.

The brain is more interested in negative experiences because of their potential impact on survival. However, once you know that this is the brain's preference, you can learn to manage this negativity bias by directly controlling what you think and how you interpret circumstances. Carrying the negativity bias into situations and relationships will not promote optimal social-emotional functioning. But positive and realistic thinking will. This lesson will help you to evaluate your thought patterns. Staying in a positive mindset is an intentional method of overcoming the brain's natural preference for the negative.

Power of Thoughts

Understanding how thinking evolves and the patterns and styles you use in your thinking can help you control how thoughts influence you. The chart below gives you an example:

As you can see, two ways of thinking and coping can lead to two very different outcomes. In the first scenario, you are fearful, anxious and overwhelmed by the stressor, but in the second, you are able to change the stress response by making a reasonable self-statement. You accept and reflect on the feedback from your trainer, coach, or supervisor and plan to correct your practice. You acknowledge that you are human, and you can't be perfect. While it may be true that in some cases you have very little or no control over outcomes or events, you can always manage your view of things to avoid a full-blown stress response, or at least short-circuit it.

“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of things.” - Epictetus, ancient Greek philosopher

Explanatory Style and Learned Optimism

Explanatory style is our habitual pattern of explaining successes or failures. It stems from our view of the world. The challenge here is that our style might be overly rigid, outmoded, or unrealistic. In order to bring positivity to our lives, we must make an intentional use of strategies to examine and change an explanatory style or way of explaining both misfortunes and successes. What do you say to yourself when you succeed? "My hard work paid off? "Boy I was in the right place at the right time!" or "It is just this one situation." How about when you fail? "Geez, I can never win no matter what I do." or "I should have taken more time to prepare." Regardless of whether you see success as luck or failure as your eternal fate, these thinking patterns can be changed. Optimism can be learned and can become habitual.

Researchers have investigated the traits of optimism and pessimism as they relate to a variety of behaviors, individual functioning, and wellness. From a health perspective, optimism has been shown to be directly related to a decreased risk for depression, lower levels of stress, improved psychological wellness, greater resilience in confronting challenges and setbacks, and higher immune-system functioning--an impressive list. Although it is natural to switch between optimistic and pessimistic thinking depending on situations, habitual pessimism has negative consequences. If you notice that you tend to use a pessimistic style for explaining why bad things happen to you, most likely you see yourself as having little control over your own fate. If this is the case, you will want to shift away from a chronic state of negative thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between pessimistic and optimistic explanatory styles: 

The pessimistic self-statements demonstrate the following tendencies:

• Permanence: “I can never win.”

  Individuals who give up easily when confronted with bad events do so as they believe that bad events will persist into the future because they are permanent. These folks believe that bad events will always be there despite any action the person might take. On the other hand, resilient individuals bounce back from adversity because they see the condition as temporary. Interestingly, optimistic individuals tend to view positive events as permanent and bad ones as temporary. 

• Pervasiveness: “My teaching career is making me miserable.”

  Pervasiveness has two levels: specific and universal. Individuals who make universal (global) explanations for a setback give up on everything when a setback occurs in one area, but people who make specific explanations about a circumstance (for example, "I feel exhausted today because my co-teacher is sick and I have to remember all the children's needs on my own") continue with their pursuits despite the setback.

• Personalization: “I don’t think I can handle this class.”

  Personalization refers to whether people tend to fault themselves (internal) or others (external) for negative events. Although taking responsibility for one’s actions is important, excessive self-blame is associated with feelings of low self-esteem and depression.

Negative self-talk may often be hidden or not evident to you. It may embedded in the way in which you approach situations. By making a conscious effort to examine your beliefs around good fortune and misfortune, you may discover that your negativity is affecting you. Next time when you are upset, try thinking about why something bad happened to you. Stop and ask, "What am I saying to myself about this situation?" If you notice pessimistic thoughts, try to replace them with optimistic self-talk. This may feel strange at first, but the more you monitor your own thinking and work on positive self-talk, the more that, over time, optimistic appraisals come naturally.

Irrational Beliefs: A-B-C Model

In addition to our characteristic style of thinking or the way in which we typically view positive and negative events, we may also hold unrealistic and unhelpful beliefs about others and ourselves. These beliefs can cause significant emotional distress if left unchallenged. Some typical irrational beliefs and accompanying self-statements include the following:

These negative thoughts and self-statements make us more stressed. Just by making the statement that "I must be competent in everything I do," we set ourselves up to fail. We are human. We have our own strengths and relative weaknesses. Therefore, we cannot be perfect in everything we do. We each have worth, regardless of the mistakes we make. Mistakes are to be expected. Rather than focusing on perfection, as we are certain to fall below this standard from time to time, use a more rational, reasonable approach: "I will do my best." This does not imply perfection.

In order to change our thoughts, we need to first challenge our own beliefs and expectations and replace them with more reasonable ones. Look at the below examples of daily events. What would be your emotional reactions?

• A child’s parent asked to meet with me.
• My car needs to go to the auto shop again. Second time this month.
• I don’t have time to prepare for a new lesson.
• A child in my care cried all day.
• My colleague ignored my suggestion.
• This demonstration was a disaster! Not at all how I planned it.

People often think that the direct cause of one’s emotional disturbance is directly attributable to some event. See the figure below.

Your colleague ignored you and you felt irritated, angry, frustrated or sad. However, notice what is missing in this model– B or beliefs. While it appears that a specific event leads directly to an emotional state, this is simply not the case. We need to question what we believe about the antecedent event. Your emotional reaction is aroused by what you tell yourself about the event. Thinking matters. The beliefs you hold shape your emotional response to the event. See the A-B-C model below.

You offered your thoughts about classroom practices but your colleague ignored your comments (A). Your deep belief that you must be liked/respected by everyone is evoked (B). You begin to experience negative thoughts and may make negative self-statements (e.g., I am not respected by my colleague. My ideas are stupid. I should have better ideas.). You begin to feel embarrassed, sad, frustrated, and angry with yourself for being less than perfect (C).

The challenge in identifying such beliefs lies in the fact that these thoughts may lie well below your consciousness. So, how can you identify your unhelpful thinking patterns?

• Reflect on what you are telling yourself about an event that is leading you to feel a particular way.
• Challenge that belief with a more realistic one, such as "It would be nice if everyone respected my ideas but that's unrealistic. It may be that my ideas were good, but there were many good ideas presented in the discussion." Or, "perhaps my colleague needs a bit more time to think about my suggestions."

See

This video expands on the A-B-C Model and the importance of identifying the beliefs that drive our negative emotional reactions. Watch and see how the Antecedent-Belief-Consequence-Dispute-Energization (A-B-C-D-E) Model can help to combat irrational beliefs and lead to greater resilience and emotional regulation. Using the A-B-C-D-E model, you will be able to view things through a different perspective and actively manage stressful thoughts. It is important for developing a more "stress-resistant" attitude. The A-B-C-D-E model focuses on thinking traps and how they derail us. You will notice that this model adds both a "D" (Dispute) and an "E" (Energization) to the earlier model discussed. This is designed to promote optimistic thinking. It is a more complete model for changing negative thoughts into helpful ones.

Do

Building Resilient Thinking: Moving From Unrealistic to Realistic Thinking

As seen earlier, your thoughts determine your resulting emotions. In the A-B-C model, the "B" is a unhelpful and deeply held belief. In the extended A-B-C-D-E model, the beliefs are viewed a bit differently and are termed "thinking traps." These traps are automatic thoughts evoked by the appearance of some event; often, you are unaware of them and their influence on you. Let's learn more about how to uncover these traps and how to neutralize their effects.

Many times when people are stressed by events, it is because they confuse thoughts or opinions with facts and they misinterpret fictions as facts. What is the difference between fact and opinion, thought, or fiction? See the picture below. What words would you use to describe this picture?

Fact

(evidence-based)

• Clown
• Painted face
• Colorful
• Circus performer
• Smiling

Opinion, thought, fiction

(varies, personal view)

• Funny
• Weird hair
• Scary
• Happy
• Ugly

Retrieved from https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/FACTorOPINION.pdf

As seen, people may have varied opinions about the same event. If a child’s parent walked past you without saying hello, you might think, “she ignored me,” “she is being rude,” “she doesn’t want to talk to me because she doesn’t like me.” However, the only fact is that the parent walked past you! Anything else is our personal opinion of the event. It might be the reality that the parent didn’t see you. Get into the habit of asking yourself whether your thought is a fact or an opinion. The following steps can help you in this process.

1. Identify negative self-statements. Focus on thoughts that seem to lead to anxiety. If you are feeling anxious or worried, ask yourself:

   • "Am I getting myself caught up in a thinking trap?" 
   • "What am I telling myself about this event?"
   • "What am I telling myself about myself in this scenario?" 

2. Ask yourself about the anticipated outcome of the event.

   • "What negative thing am I expecting to happen?" 
   • "Am I expecting the worst case to become a reality?" 
   • "Am I confusing facts with opinions or feelings?" 
   • "Despite the fact that I feel something bad might happen, what evidence do I have to support that prediction? Has it occurred in the past? What is the likelihood it will happen this time?" 
   • "What is the worst thing that can happen here?" 
   • "Even if a bad thing happens as a result of this, what strategies do I know to help manage the problem or cope with it?"

Activity: Thinking Traps

What are thinking traps? They are patterns of thinking or habits of thought. They may be automatic. The number of thinking traps identified by psychologists varies; however, some classic thinking traps are presented in the activity below. It is important to realize that these traps may exist at both the conscious and subconscious levels. You are not always aware of what is influencing your thinking. Use the Thinking Traps activity (located in the Learn Activities section below) to examine common thinking traps and reflect on ones you may fall into.

Disputing Children's Assumptions in a Developmentally Appropriate Way

In this lesson, we focused on identifying your thinking traps and developing ways to dispute negative beliefs, challenging them with more positive, realistic, thinking. As you become better at doing this for yourself, you also provide a strong model for children. Without realizing it, you are likely already engaging in practices that help children see the world, and the actions of others, in ways that are more positive. In fact, the positive guidance strategies that caregivers use, particularly the perspective-taking that they offer in conversations with children around social conflicts or emotional situations, can help dispute the underlying assumptions that cause distress. See some of the examples below: 

Disputing Children's Assumptions in a Developmentally Appropriate Way Scenarios

Use the menu at left or the pager below to cycle through

 

A	Antecedent or Event A toddler takes the ball sitting in front of another child who had previously been using it.
B	Belief - often we are not consciously aware of this belief Child originally using the ball: "That ball is mine!"
C	Consequence or emotional experience of the event The child who was originally using the ball screams in anger.
D	Dispute - a different way to see it Caregiver could say: "It looks like both of you are really interested in that ball!
E	Energization - more positive response Caregiver and toddlers can talk about some ways to help everyone meet their needs, asking children, “What could we do?” The caregiver could offer some suggestions as needed to help problem-solve: Could they roll the ball back and forth? Find other balls? Make a plan for the ball?

A	Antecedent or Event Joanna, a preschooler asks, "Can I play?" to a group of children who have been building an elaborate structure together for 20 minutes, and they respond "no."
B	Belief - often we are not consciously aware of this belief Joanna: They don't like me. OR They are being mean to me.
C	Consequence or emotional experience of the event The preschooler who was told "no" cries and sobs, "they won't let me play!"
D	Dispute - a different way to see it The caregiver may say, "It looks like Jose, Alicia, and Dexter have been working on this idea together for many minutes. They may have worked out a plan for this particular structure. Are you interested in building, too?
E	Energization - more positive response Caregiver could brainstorm with the child who is distressed about potential solutions. For example, Could Joanna ask the group building more about their structure to identify ways she could help? Could Joanna help gather another group of children to plan and build a new structure?

A	Antecedent or Event Rick has been working all week on his lines for a skit in the talent show, but he keeps forgetting whole sections and his peers are frustrated.
B	Belief - often we are not consciously aware of this belief Rick: "I'm not any good at this,"  or, "My friends think I'm stupid."
C	Consequence or emotional experience of the event Rick throws his props and says, "I hate this!"
D	Dispute - a different way to see it Staff member could say, "It looks like everyone wants this to be a great performance. Learning lines can be challenging; it takes practice. What are some ways we could help you with the lines?"
E	Energization - more positive response Staff member could brainstorm with Rick, and even the group doing the skit, ways to help Rick with his lines. For example, could they take turns practicing with Rick during snack time, or develop some cue or reminder cards

As you work with children, reflect on how the comments and questions you offer help children be more resilient. As discussed in Lesson Two, when we experience distress, it helps to label our feelings. Remember as children experience distress, you can also encourage them to label their emotions. In the examples above, the caregiver or staff member could begin the dispute conversations by asking what the child is feeling or describing the emotion they are expressing (e.g., "It looks like you are angry"). This helps to move the immediate emotional reaction from the amygdala, or fight or flight response area of our brain, to the prefrontal cortex where we can begin to reflect and problem-solve. To learn more about positive guidance strategies, check out the Positive Guidance course for infant and toddler caregivers, preschool caregivers, school-age staff members or family child care providers.