Know

Two school-age children are fighting over a piece of purple construction paper in the creative area. They begin to yell and rip the paper out of each other’s hands. The staff member, Janice, walks over and yells, “Stop.” She begins muttering, “I have had enough. You girls have been bothering each other all day.” She rips the paper out of the girls’ hands and throws it away. “If you’re going to be little brats, nobody gets the purple paper.”

As a support staff member in a child care program, and more generally as a community member, you have likely witnessed situations like this before. In the scenario, Janice was challenged by the girls’ behavior, and she responded by yelling and acting harshly. When adults are overwhelmed, stressed, or unsure of what to do, they are more likely to let their emotions determine their actions. It’s not unusual to feel stressed or challenged when caring for children, and some stress can be beneficial. What matters is how you respond to stressful situations. Can you relate to the emotions that led to Janice’s actions? How have direct care staff in your program responded to these types of behaviors?

What if Janice had taken a moment to pause and think about what was happening? How might the situation have been different if Janice had asked herself, "What is the issue? What do we want to happen? What do I know about these children and their development? What can I do to help them learn how to handle this situation?” Let’s look at that scenario again, but this time let’s imagine that things went differently:

Janice hears the girls arguing, takes a moment, and calmly walks over. “It looks like there’s a disagreement here and it sounds like you are angry. What can we do to get through this?” Janice asks for the purple paper and holds onto it as she listens to the girls explain. They each try to interrupt each other and continue fighting, but she makes sure both sides have the opportunity to speak. After they have explained the situation, Janice summarizes what she has heard. “It sounds like Simone wants to use the purple paper to make a card for her mom, and Destiny wants to make a picture. Simone, what do you think would be fair? Destiny, what do you think would be fair?” The girls arrive at a compromise all can agree to. Janice stays close while they begin acting on the compromise.

What was different this time? How did Janice defuse the situation? First, Janice remained calm. Then she stated what she observed and asked a question. Janice held on to the desired material because she knew it would be difficult for the children to focus on a solution if one of them had it. She knew that these types of conflicts are typical of children at this stage and knew that with guidance they can come up with good solutions. She reflected on the children’s emotions and redirected them to a more positive outcome. Finally, she followed through to make sure the children were successful.

Conflict and challenging behavior are to be expected in children, and these experiences help them learn new skills and see others’ perspectives. It is most important that adults pause and collect their thoughts so they can respond in a way that models the behavior we want to see in children and helps children learn. Understanding behavior and knowing how to respond to challenging behavior prevents child abuse and neglect.

Why Do Children Engage in Challenging Behavior?

There are many reasons why children engage in behavior that adults find challenging. As stated in previous lessons, sometimes the behavior that adults find challenging is part of typical development. In all cases, a child’s behavior communicates a message and provides an opportunity for them to learn. It is up to adults to interpret these messages. Here are some messages a child’s behavior might send:

• I need your attention, but I don’t know how to ask for it.
• I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
• I need help.
• I’m bored.
• I’m lonely.
• I don’t feel well.
• I’m scared.
• I’m tired.
• I don’t want to do that, or I don’t like that.
• I’m overwhelmed.

What is Guidance?

Guidance is how we help children learn routines, expectations, self-control, and responsibility. Through guidance, children learn how to adapt to a variety of social and learning situations. Guidance means viewing mistakes as opportunities to teach children new skills.

Guidance is not punishment or use of fear to control children into “good” behavior. It is about supporting children so they understand how the decisions they make help them learn and relate to others.

What are Positive Guidance Techniques?

Caregivers can begin using positive guidance strategies with children from birth. All of them work best in the context of a strong relationship with each child. Positive guidance techniques strengthen children’s social-emotional learning and have positive benefits for adults, too. As a support staff member, you play a critical role in ensuring your program operates smoothly. Positive guidance techniques help your program to operate smoothly as well. Conflict between children, tantrums, and difficult transition times are major causes of delays in child care settings.
Although you do not work with children directly, you are likely present during many of these difficult times in a program. You can watch direct care staff members to make sure proper positive guidance techniques are being employed. If a coworker is having a difficult time helping a child, you should be able to quickly and confidently step in and ask how you can be a support.

Young Infants

For young infants, the most important thing caregivers can do is provide nurturing and consistent care, responsiveness, and positive interactions. Infants thrive in predictable environments and when caregivers meet their needs for comfort, safety, food, and rest. Remember that crying is a form of communication that lets caregivers know infants are hungry, tired, bored, or in need of a diaper change. The key is understanding what the infant is communicating through their behavior and responding appropriately. The most effective guidance strategies for this age group are responsiveness and positive interactions. When you observe infants in your program, consider the following:

• Infants that are new to the program may not be familiar with the people, sounds, sights, and smells in the environment. They might experience separation anxiety and become sad, clingy or fearful. Consistent, nurturing adults will help them grow to be secure in new environments.
• All babies cry, but some cry more than others. If you are supporting direct care staff in the classroom and notice an infant that is crying excessively, look for signs that the baby is uncomfortable. Adults can help soothe an infant by rocking or walking them, burping them, singing songs, and providing soothers like a pacifier.
• Infants often cry or become upset when they are tired or teething. If you are supporting direct care staff in the classroom, look for signs that the infant might be tired or teething, such as rubbing their eyes, laying their head on the ground, putting their hands in their mouth, drooling excessively, and mouthing materials. Family members can give insight into a baby’s moods and behavior. They may have strategies that work at home that staff members have not tried yet.

Mobile Infants

Just as with younger infants, positive interactions are the foundation of guidance with older infants. The caregiver’s job is to help mobile infants become more aware of themselves and their environments by helping them learn to explore and begin soothing themselves. Babies are not aware of what is dangerous for them or undesirable to others, and it is the responsibility of adults to keep them safe. Perhaps the baby is pulling someone’s hair or trying to wiggle out of the stroller safety harness. According to Zero to Three (2009), adults should focus on redirecting the baby’s attention. Set limits clearly and firmly, but do not get angry. For example, you might say, “That hurts Bryson’s head. Let’s pull on this squishy ball.” You might redirect the child who is trying to escape the stroller by pointing out an interesting animal, offering something to hold, or singing a song together. Mobile infants respond well to guidance techniques that:

• Help them know what to do rather than what not to do. Caregivers should use positive language like, “Come to the climber” instead of “Stop climbing the book shelf.”
• Provide safe spaces for exploration. Make sure everything in the room is safe for tiny fingers and mouths.
• Are responsive to the infant’s needs. Remember, crying communicates. Respond quickly when an infant is hungry, tired, hurt, or uncomfortable.

Toddlers, Preschoolers, and School-Age Children

For toddlers (typically over a year old), preschoolers, and school-age children, the following guidance techniques are appropriate, according to Hearron and Hildebrand’s Guiding Young Children (2012):

Unacceptable Forms of Guidance

All staff members regardless of their role have a responsibility to keep children physically and emotionally safe. Some responses can inflict harm and model aggression. When we use harsh techniques with children, they and their families learn that harsh responses to behavior are OK. That is not the message we want to send children and families. The following practices are never acceptable in child care programs:

• Corporal punishment: You may not, under any circumstances, strike, hit, whip, spank, or use any other form of physical punishment on a child of any age.
• Withholding physical needs: You may not, under any circumstances, withhold food, sleep, physical activity, or other needs like toileting from a child as punishment.
• Yelling, shaming, belittling, or threatening a child: You may not, under any circumstances, intentionally make a child fear for his or her physical or psychological safety. You may not call children hurtful names, threaten children, or make children feel shame.
• Isolating a child: You may not punish a child by leaving him or her alone (e.g., leaving a child on the playground alone because he or she did not line up with the group) or by putting the child in time out in an enclosed space like a closet, restroom, or cardboard box.
• Binding or restricting a child’s movements: You may not punish a child by preventing him or her from being able to move or speak (e.g., strap a child into a chair so she or he cannot leave group time or cover a child’s mouth or hands with tape).

Your program should have guidance and touch policies. It is your responsibility to know these policies. If something is unclear, ask your program administrator to explain. In the Child Abuse Identification & Reporting for Support Staff course, you can work with your trainer, coach or administrator to learn about appropriate guidance and touch policies. It is a good idea to review your program’s policies now and regularly as you begin your work in a child care program. Make sure you can answer these questions:

• What guidance practices are not acceptable in my program?
• What are the boundaries for touch between staff members and children?
• Who can I go to if I have questions?

See

You observe interactions between children and staff in your work as a support staff member. It is important to learn to discriminate between appropriate and inappropriate guidance strategies. The table below provides examples of each. Remember, many of the behaviors you see listed might be challenging to adults, but they are typical behaviors for children at each age.

Challenging behaviors occur in all programs and it is important that all staff have supportive and nurturing interactions with children during these times. Watch these videos to learn more about positive guidance and how you can support children’s behavior and social emotional competence.

Do

All staff members will encounter behavior that challenges, and it is important that you respond using positive guidance techniques. Consider these points so you are consistent with the positive guidance provided by direct care staff in your program:

• No matter what your role is, you are a visible member of your program community. Children and families notice how you respond to them and others. When you interact with children and families, use these opportunities to create a positive experiences for them.
• Keep a copy of your program’s guidance and touch policy near other information that you share with families.
• Practice positive guidance. Think about the times when you interact with children and adults during difficult circumstances and how you can use positive guidance in these situations.
• If you encounter a challenging situation with a child, family member, or staff member, pause and collect your thoughts. This will help you thoughtfully respond rather than respond based on your immediate emotions.
• Watch your words. Harsh or critical words can affect people for a long time. Children are especially vulnerable because they look up to you. Make sure you use words that encourage and support. Do not use words that shame, belittle, or insult a child.
• Read the resources in the Apply section. They were designed for families, but the ideas are just as valuable for staff members. Use the tips when you interact with children, and share the materials with families.