Know

Think about these three words: safety, stability, and nurture. What do they mean? Think about a relationship in your own life that was represented by these three words. What did the other person do that made it feel safe, stable, and nurturing? What impact did that relationship have on your life? Whether you recognize it or not, relationships like these likely shaped your outlook on the world and your ability to succeed. Let’s take a look at a few relationships that could be considered safe, stable, and nurturing.

Like all families, Chandra’s, Charlotte’s, and Ravi’s families have experienced some stress. Whether faced with single parenting, relocation, separation, financial or job-related stress, strong families are resilient and bounce back. No matter what, they make sure their children have safe, stable, and nurturing relationships. Jayne has a close bond with Chandra and is invested in her relationships with Chandra’s caregivers and specialists. Charlotte’s parents understand her emotional needs and help her to build connections with new peers. Ravi’s family communicates and spends time connecting and reconnecting. All of these families experienced support from child care center staff in various roles. Chandra’s family was supported by food service staff members who accommodated and supported her unique dietary needs. Staff members at Charlotte’s new program welcomed her openly and her parents were able to relax, knowing her emotional needs were being supported. By supporting Ravi’s excitement about seeing his mom again, and encouraging Ravi’s dad to reach out for support, caregivers and front desk staff helped his family approach a difficult transition with a positive outlook and celebration. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention consider safe, stable, and nurturing relationships like these one of the “essentials of childhood.” Let’s explore how the CDC defines these three words.

• Safety: Safety is “the extent to which a child is free from fear and secure from physical or psychological harm.” This means that adults protect children from harm. Adults regulate their own emotions and monitor children’s development.
• Stability: Stability is “the degree of predictability and consistency in a child’s environment.” This means the child comes to learn that the world is a manageable place. Consistent family routines are one way stability is provided for children.
• Nurture: Nurture is “the extent to which a parent or caregiver is available and able to sensitively respond to and meet the needs of their child.”

Safety, stability, and nurturing relationships are important throughout our lives. Unfortunately, trauma (like abuse or neglect) can damage or destroy a child’s sense of safety, stability, and nurturing relationships. This impacts development. Now think about the children and youth in your program. Do all of them have relationships that are safe, stable, and nurturing? Based on what you have learned already in this course, it is clear that for some children the answer is, “no.” We do not have to accept that for an answer, though. One of the critical roles of a child care program is to help strengthen families, enrich the community, and help each and every person look back on their childhood and answer, “yes.”

You can strengthen families by being aware of the stressors affecting the families in your program and where to direct them so that they can receive the supports and resources they need. Being involved in a suspected case of child abuse or neglect can bring a great deal of stress to a family. The rest of this lesson will focus on (a) the behaviors or issues you might see after a family has been involved in a report and (b) the critical resources and supports your program can offer to families that have experienced this kind of trauma. Remember, families might ask you questions that make you uncomfortable or that you don’t have an answer to. When a family has difficult questions or is in need of resources outside of your expertise, direct them to the program manager or a social worker so that they can get the support that they need.

To reflect on the stressors that families in your program might experience and how you might have a positive impact on a child or family, take a moment to watch the following video on toxic stress and how connections and concrete supports can buffer the effects of toxic stress: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/stress-and-resilience-how-toxic-stress-affects-us-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/.

See

Ways to Support Families

Many families who are involved in allegations of child abuse or neglect have experienced some kind of trauma. This might mean they experienced abuse or neglect themselves as children. There may also be domestic violence toward adults in the home. They may experience family or community violence.

Trauma can influence how a family interacts with you. Look for these characteristics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s publication Preventing Child Maltreatment (2013):

• Families that have experienced trauma may find it difficult to build trusting relationships with staff members in the program. It might not be easy for them to trust anyone.
• Families might perceive aggression or danger where it does not exist. They may struggle with keeping themselves or their children safe. You might find yourself questioning their decision-making.
• They may abuse drugs or alcohol.
• They may have a hard time controlling their emotions.
• They may seem numb or “shut down.”

You should approach all families, especially families that have experienced trauma, with patience, kindness, and understanding. Regardless of whether a family has been affected by abuse or neglect, all families benefit from positive, friendly, and supportive interactions.  Watch this video to learn more about how you can support families affected by stress or trauma.

Do

The following list of strategies is from the Preventing Child Maltreatment and Promoting Well-Being: A Network for Action 2013 Resource Guide. Consider ways you can use these strategies to support families who have experienced trauma:

• Talk to your program manager, or administrator for support any time you have a concern about a family.
• Be aware of the resources available to families in your program or on your installation and know where to direct parents in need of resources.
• Understand that parents’ reactions (including anger, resentment, or avoidance) may be reactions to trauma. Do not take them personally.
• Remember that parents who have experienced trauma are not “bad.” Blaming or judging them is likely to make the situation worse.
• Recognize that all parents want the children to be safe and healthy. Compliment parents’ good decisions and healthy choices when you see them.
• Stay calm and keep your voice as neutral and nonthreatening as possible. Model direct and honest communication.
• Be consistent. When you make a commitment, follow through.
• Be aware that you could experience secondary traumatic stress, which can occur when you see or hear about trauma experienced by others. This is more likely if you have been affected by abuse or neglect in the past. Take care of yourself and take time to address your own reactions when you feel you are getting overwhelmed.

As a support staff member, there are many ways that you can support children and families that are experiencing stress. For example, the cook might share healthy recipes that are prepared at the program for families to try at home or make food accommodations for children with special dietary needs. The custodian might put together a resource list of cleaning supplies that are good for sanitizing or disinfecting. The maintenance staff might hold a parent workshop on fun building projects to try with school-agers. Finally, the front desk staff provide children and families with a consistent, friendly, warm interaction to start each day in a positive way. Support staff members play a critical role in supporting and strengthening families each day by creating and maintaining a program environment that is healthy, clean and safe.

The best ways you can support children and families in your program is by engaging with them in positive ways, directing them to appropriate staff or resources in the program, and by keeping children safe from harm. Your role as a mandated reporter is an important one. By taking it seriously, supporting the families in your program, and taking care of your own mental health, you have the ability to strengthen your community and effect positive change in the lives of others.