Know

Janice clearly felt some stress in this situation. When the girls’ behavior challenged her, she began to yell and act aggressively. She let that stress get the best of her and she reacted in a way that was not appropriate. Janice made a poor decision, but you can learn from her experience. It’s not unusual to feel stress at work. Nearly everyone does at one time or another. What matters is how we handle our stress. How do you think Janice handled her stress? What do you think she should have done differently? Can you relate to the emotions that led to her actions?

What if Janice had taken a moment to slow down and think about what was happening? How might the situation have been different if Janice had asked herself, "What is the issue? What needs to be done? What do I know about these children and their development? Can I get help from someone in this situation?” Let’s look at that scenario again, but this time let’s imagine that things went differently:

What was different this time? What specific strategies did Janice use to defuse the situation? She did a lot of things really well. First, she remembered her knowledge of child development. She knew that this behavior was typical of preschool-age and young school-age children. She remained calm and modeled problem-solving strategies. She reflected the children’s emotions and redirected them to a more positive activity. Finally, she followed through to make sure the children were successful.

As you read in a previous lesson, young children are at heightened risk for abuse and neglect. Often, this is because adults do not know what to do when a child’s behavior challenges them, and the adult makes a terrible decision. Taking the time to think through difficult situations will help you in times of stress. This can protect you and help you make decisions that are healthy for you and children. Knowing how to respond to challenging behavior prevents child abuse and neglect.

Why Do Children Engage in Challenging Behavior?

There are many reasons why children might engage in behavior that adults find challenging. As stated in previous lessons, sometimes the behavior that adults find challenging is part of typical development. In all cases, a child’s behavior communicates a message. It is up to adults to learn the child’s code and interpret the message. Here are some messages a child’s behavior might send:

• I need your attention, but I don’t know how to ask for it.
• I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
• I need help.
• I’m bored.
• I’m lonely.
• I don’t feel well.
• I’m scared.
• I’m tired.
• I don’t want to do that, or I don’t like that.
• I’m overwhelmed.
• I've never done this before and I'm not sure what to do.

What is Guidance?

Guidance is how we help children know what it means to be a member of our community. It is how we help children learn the expectations for behavior in a variety of settings. Guidance means helping children learn from their mistakes to make positive choices.

Guidance is not punishment. It is not about control or making children fear you. It is about knowing children and creating the best physical and social environment in which they can learn.

What are Positive Guidance Techniques?

There are a variety of positive guidance techniques. All of them work best in the context of a strong relationship with each child. Examples of positive guidance:

• Be clear in roles – Let children know who they can look to answer questions
• Deliver consistent message – Clear communication between adults is necessary in the room so children are receiving same message
• Check in with other adults in the room – Check in about how children in the room are doing, if any challenges are seen or if certain children need more attention.

Infants

For very young infants who are not yet mobile, the most important thing you can do is to provide consistent care and nurturing. Provide a predictable environment that meets the infant’s needs for comfort, safety, food, and rest. Remember that crying is a form of communication. Respond to the baby’s cues that she or he is hungry, tired, bored, or in need of a diaper change. Always think about each child’s behavior in context of the relationship you have with the child:

• Is the infant new to your program? If so, the infant may be experiencing separation anxiety from loved ones. The baby needs a consistent nurturing adult to help feel secure.
• Does the infant cry a lot, or is their crying unusual? All babies cry, but some cry more than others. Look for signs that the baby is uncomfortable. Help soothe the baby by holding them, rocking or walking with them, singing songs, and providing soothers like a pacifier. Trapped gas can be very uncomfortable and unsettling so you may also try burping the baby.
• Is the infant tired or teething? Talk to family members to gain insight into a baby’s moods and behavior.

The key to guidance is trying to understand the infant and what they're communicating through behavior. There is rarely a reason to tell a non-mobile infant “No.” As you focus on meeting each infant’s needs, you will naturally use the most effective guidance strategies for this age group, responsiveness and positive interactions.

Mobile Infants

Just as with younger infants, positive interactions are the foundation of guidance. Your job is to help mobile infants learn the foundation of self-control by helping them learn to explore safely and begin soothing themselves. To keep the baby or others safe, there may be times when you need to help the baby stop a certain behavior. Perhaps the baby is pulling someone’s hair or trying to wiggle out of the stroller safety harness. According to Zero to Three (2009), you should focus on redirecting the baby’s attention. Set limits clearly and firmly, but do not get angry. For example, you might say, “That hurts Bryson’s head. Let’s pull on this squishy ball.” You might distract the child who is trying to escape the stroller by pointing out an interesting animal, offering something to hold onto, or singing a song together. Mobile infants respond well to guidance techniques that:

• Helps them know what to do rather than what not to do. Use positive language like, “Come to the climber” instead of “Stop climbing the book shelf.”
• Provide safe spaces for exploration. Make sure everything in the room is safe for tiny fingers and mouths.
• Continue responding to the infant’s needs. Remember, crying communicates. Respond quickly when an infant is hungry, tired, hurt, or uncomfortable.

Toddlers, Preschoolers and School-Age Children

For toddlers (typically over one-year-old), preschoolers, and school-age children, the following guidance techniques are appropriate, according to Hearron and Hildebrand (2012):

• Appropriate expectations for children’s behavior: Child guidance begins with establishing a limited number of positively stated expectations for behavior. These expectations apply to everyone in the setting. Examples might include “be safe” or “be respectful.”
• Managing space, time, and energy: Through guidance techniques, you create a space that promotes positive behavior. Adults arrange and rearrange the physical space and the schedule of the day to meet children’s needs. A common example is moving furniture to eliminate a large open space that children use for running. Another example is making large-group times shorter to eliminate challenging behavior as children get bored.
• Experiences that engage the whole child: The curriculum is the foundation of everything we do. If children are bored, overstimulated, or uninterested, they will engage in challenging behavior. Thoughtfully engaged learners don’t have time for challenging behavior!
• Maximizing our relationships: Guidance is based on relationships. Strategies develop as you get to know the children, observe them, and listen to their play and their stories. It is based on finding the positive attributes of every child and recognizing them. Spend “neutral” time with children by listening, playing, and enjoying time together.
• Expressing feelings: A provider might say, “I can tell you’re sad about cleaning up right now, but it’s not safe for you to stay here by yourself. Would you like to write a note to let everyone know you are saving your work for later?” It is also about being genuine and expressing your own feelings. A provider might say, “What you are doing makes me feel scared. I don’t think it’s safe. Let’s do this instead.”
• Notice and recognize positive behaviors: An important part of positive guidance is encouragement. We notice and describe accomplishments or positive behaviors. A provider might say, “Jonah, I bet you are really proud of yourself for solving that problem.” Or “I noticed that you gave Sonya a turn on the computer. She really appreciated that. Thank you.”
• Provide short, clear directions: Use a natural tone of voice and make eye contact. Check in to make sure children understood. 
• Provide choices: Whenever possible, offer children a choice. You can let children decide where they will play, what they will play (e.g., build a castle or a farm in the block area), how they will do something (sit or stand at the art easel), the order they will do things in (first block area then water table), and whom they do things with.
• Redirect children to appropriate behaviors: When a challenging behavior occurs, adults must know how to get the child back on track. “No,” “stop,” and “don’t” do little to help a child know what to do. An example of a positive redirection is, “Keep the water in the table” or “Walk inside.”
• Use gestures, pictures, or other cues to help children understand: You might point to a picture schedule on the wall to help a child move to a new activity.
• Facilitate social problem-solving: Help children know what to do when they have a problem. Help them learn to recognize their problem, come up with solutions, make a decision, and try it out. As children get older, you can simply facilitate this process and be available to help them work through social problems. Young children will likely need your help coming up with possible solutions to try.
• Tune Into Child’s Temperament. A child’s temperament can influence their ability to manage feelings and cope with stress. They may need extra time and guidance based on temperament.

Unacceptable Forms of Guidance

You have a professional responsibility to keep children safe from harm. This includes emotional, psychological, and mental harm. There are certain types of guidance that have the potential to inflict harm and model aggression. When we use aggressive techniques with children, they and their families learn that aggressive responses to behavior are OK. That is not the message we want to send children and families. The following practices have no place in family child care programs:

• Corporal punishment: You may not, under any circumstances, strike, hit, whip, spank, or use any other form of physical punishment on a child of any age.
• Withholding physical needs: You may not, under any circumstances, withhold food, sleep, physical activity or other needs like toileting from a child as punishment.
• Yelling, shaming, belittling, or threatening a child: You may not, under any circumstances, intentionally make a child fear for his or her physical or psychological safety. You may not call children hurtful names, threaten children, or make children feel shame.
• Isolating a child: You may not punish a child by leaving him or her alone (e.g., leaving a child on the playground alone because he or she did not line up with the group) or by putting the child in time out in an enclosed space like a closet, restroom, or cardboard box.
• Binding or restricting a child’s movements: Binding or restricting a child’s movements: You may not punish a child by preventing him or her from being able to move or speak (e.g., strap a child into a chair, so she or he cannot leave group time; covering a child’s mouth or hands with tape).

Your family child care homePUB should have guidance and touch policies. It is your responsibility toPUB establish these policies and to assure any other individual who may work with you understand them, for example, back-up providers. In the Identification and Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect course, you worked with your trainer, coach or family child care administrator to learn about whatPUB appropriate guidance and touch policies include. It's a good idea to reviewPUB yourPUB appropriate guidance and touch policies include. It is a good idea to reviewPUB yourPUB own policies now and regularly as you begin your work with children. Make sure you can answer these questions:

• What guidance practices are not acceptable in my program?
• What are the boundaries for touch between providers and children?
• Who can I go to if I have questions?

See

If you observe other child development programs or family child care providers, you will see a lot of guidance strategies. It is important to learn to discriminate between acceptable and unacceptable guidance strategies. The table below provides examples of each. Remember, many of the behaviors you see listed might be challenging to adults, but they are typical behaviors for children at each age.

Now watch experts talk about positive child guidance.

Do

The following strategies will help you remain positive and create a caring community:

• Remember that children (and families) are always watching. You are a role model even when you think no one is watching. The way you respond to children and to stressful situations is important.
• Keep a copy of your program’s guidance and touch policy near other information that you share with families. Make revisions as necessary.
• Practice positive guidance. Ask your trainer, coach, family child care administrator, or fellow family child care provider to observe your work with children. Ask for feedback on whether you provide positive directions, how many positive comments you make, how many negative comments you make, etc. Set a goal to say four positives for every negative.
• If you get overwhelmed, step away from the situation. Make sure children are safe, and never leave children unsupervised. Simply step away to a different part of the room. Or if a back-up provider is present, ask them to take over what you were doing. Everyone needs a break sometimes. You can even model anger-management techniques by saying, “I’m going to go take a deep breath and come back ready to help you think of some solutions to this problem.”
• Watch your words. Harsh or critical words stick with us. Children are especially vulnerable because they look up to you. Make sure you use words that encourage and support. Do not use words that shame, belittle, or insult a child.
• Read the resources in the Apply section. They were designed for families, but the ideas are just as valuable for providers. Use the tips as you work with children, and share the materials with families.