Introduction

As a child and youth professional, you have the responsibility to provide a safe, healthy, and nurturing environment for children and to support their learning and development. You play a critical role in keeping children safe from harm by recognizing and preventing child abuse and neglect in your program. This responsibility to keep children safe includes ensuring that your interactions and responses to children’s behavior do not have the potential to inflict harm or model aggression. When adults are experiencing stress, lacking support and connection with others, or have unrealistic expectations for children’s development and behavior they are more likely to respond in inappropriate or unsupportive ways. Consider a time when your reaction or response to the behavior of your own child or a child in your program wasn’t as supportive as it should have been. What behavior was the child exhibiting? What were you feeling or experiencing when you responded to the child? How did your reaction impact the child? How did you feel after your response? What would have helped you to handle the situation better?

Caring for children and youth is important but emotionally demanding work. Child care programs provide opportunities for joy, connection, and growth, but they also involve long hours, responding to negative emotions, managing relationships and conflict, and constant redirection of behaviors. You can balance the demands of working in child care and ensure that children are safe and learning by having strong foundational knowledge of child development milestones, appropriate expectations for children’s behavior, and by implementing positive guidance strategies. 

This training will examine ways that you can prevent harmful interactions from occurring in your program by highlighting developmentally appropriate expectations for children, typical behaviors across the ages, and positive and supportive ways to respond to behavior that feels challenging to adults. 

Protective Factors Framework

As a staff member caring for or interacting in a program with children and youth, you have many strengths you can draw upon to prevent child abuse and neglect. These are known as protective factors. Protective factors are characteristics or strengths of individuals, families, and communities that act to mitigate the risk of child abuse and neglect and help enable children to thrive. The following protective factors have been identified to help strengthen families and prevent child abuse and neglect: adult resilience, knowledge of child development and parenting, social connections, concrete supports, and social emotional competence of children. 

The same protective factors that help families cope with challenges apply to all of us as adults. Let’s explore each of the protective factors and how they might apply to your work. This material has been adapted from the Preventing Child Maltreatment and Promoting Well-Being: A Network for Action 2013 Resource Guide by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

All of these protective factors are equally important, but for the purpose of this training, we will focus on enhancing your knowledge of child development and refining your practices to ensure that your responses to children’s behavior are appropriate.

Developmental Milestones Across the Ages

Understanding developmental milestones is important for preventing child abuse and neglect because adults can become better informed on how to appropriately respond to children’s needs. Having an awareness of developmentally appropriate expectations for a child’s growth and development supports families and caregivers with guidance and discipline strategies such as communicating with respect, setting consistent expectations and rules, and creating safe opportunities that allow children to thrive in their environment.

In addition, understanding child development as a protective factor helps us recognize when a child needs extra help. If we do not understand child development, we might become frustrated instead of recognizing an opportunity to scaffold or strengthen a child’s experiences. When we get frustrated, we do not use our best thinking. We are less able to problem-solve, use new practices, think creatively, and be patient. We may be less able to support the children who need our help the most.

Let’s take a look at how children typically develop from birth to 12 years. The information on this table is compiled from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html) and the Ages and Stages Questionnaire (ASQ). 

As you read the milestones, did you notice any behaviors that might frustrate or challenge adults? This table can help you remember that behaviors like biting, mouthing everything, tantrums, not following directions, talking back to adults, occasionally lying, and making demands can all be normal parts of development. As adults, we have to be prepared to respond positively and constructively. Remember, these milestones tell us what children typically do at certain ages. They are not hard and fast rules. Individual children will vary a great deal in when and how they reach different milestones.

What to Expect: Typical Behaviors Across Ages

As with all areas of development, there are certain behaviors that are typical as children progress through developmental stages. In all cases, a child’s behavior communicates a message. It is up to adults, especially their trusted caregivers, to learn the child’s “code” and interpret their message. When you understand what children are communicating through their behavior, then you can make appropriate modifications to the environment, routines, and curriculum to prevent challenging behaviors from occurring and respond appropriately.

Regardless of the child’s age, you should expect children to engage in some “difficult” behavior, and you can think of this as developmental progress or children learning new skills. For example, during the transition from infancy to toddlerhood, most children are no longer satisfied with only playing with the toys and objects within their immediate reach. Instead, toddlers are busy beings who explore their environments and show their independence by “testing” limits and often resisting help. This can be particularly challenging for some caregivers. Understand that this type of behavior, while it may feel challenging, is necessary for children to learn to problem-solve and develop secure attachments. Review other examples of developmentally appropriate behaviors in the chart below and think about the skills or understanding children gain from each.

If you have spent time in programs serving young children and youth, you have likely seen some or all of these behaviors. They are reflections of typical child development. We all go through stages as we grow, and certain behaviors can be expected at certain stages. This does not mean that all behaviors are easy for adults to deal with. It does mean that we can be prepared to recognize behaviors as reflections of growth and respond in appropriate and sensitive ways.

As you listen to the experts in the following video, reflect on your expectations for the children in your care and how your expectations influence how you define challenging behavior.

Challenging Behaviors: An Introduction

Unrealistic versus Realistic Expectations

Positive expectations can set the tone for guidance in your classroom and program. These expectations must be age-appropriate for the children in your care. In order to best support the children and youth in your care, consider a few positively and clearly stated expectations that can guide all interactions in the classroom or program space. It is important for you to understand and model these expectations throughout the day. Take a moment to review the unrealistic and realistic expectations in the table provided. As you reflect on these examples and your own expectations for the children in your care, consider whether there are areas where you need to rethink your beliefs about children’s behavior.

As you think about the classroom environment, curricular activities, classroom schedule, and children’s behavior, it is helpful to align your expectations about what is appropriate with your knowledge of child development. When your expectations are in line with what children are capable of and when you are able to connect a child’s behavior to a developmental need, your response is more likely to be understanding and supportive. Review the following suggestions to ensure your expectations of children are appropriate:

• Continue to learn all you can about child development throughout your career. The Virtual Lab School has courses that will help you learn more about cognitive, physical, and social development. You will also learn about how children develop communication skills and a healthy sense of self.
• Gather information about child development to share with families. The handouts from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the Reference and Resource section are a good place to start, but your trainer, coach, family child care administrator, or local resource and referral agency might have other resources you can share.
• As a staff member, spend time observing children in your program or in your wider community. This will help you begin to understand what is typical for each child in your care. You can also visit programs that serve children who are older or younger. This will help you take a broader view of development. If you expect the same thing from 4-year-olds that you see happening in the school-age program, you are setting yourself up for frustration.
• Remember what you have learned here when you get frustrated. It can be frustrating when a toddler says “No” or bites, or when a preschooler refuses to hang up his coat, but this is a part of growing up. Many of the behaviors that challenge adults are very typical parts of normal child development. 
• Ask for help when you need it. We all need new ideas and support. When you are feeling frustrated or unsure about what to do for a child, ask your trainer, coach, family child care administrator, or a fellow colleague for ideas. This is a great way to build your own social connections and professional knowledge.

Appropriate Responses to Children’s Behavior

It is important for all staff members, providers, and administrators to have knowledge about what behaviors and levels of guidance are acceptable at different developmental stages. Guidance is a partnership that adults partake in with children. When adults have appropriate expectations for children, children are less likely to feel frustrated and act out. 

A guidance approach to behavior encourages staff members to consider each child’s misstep in judgment as an opportunity for learning. It is never appropriate or effective practice to ridicule or cause children emotional suffering because they created conflicts that they have not yet learned how to manage. Adults, as well as children, must assume responsibility for their behavior. It is the responsibility of the staff member to teach the child less hurtful ways to manage conflict. Likewise, it is the responsibility of the child to gain from the experience and learn less-hurtful ways of expressing anger.

Infants

The key to guidance for this age group is trying to understand the infant and what they are communicating through behavior. There is rarely a reason to tell a non-mobile infant “No.” As you focus on meeting each infant’s needs, you will naturally use the most effective guidance strategies for this age group: responsiveness and positive interactions.

Mobile Infants

As is the case with younger infants, positive interactions are the foundation of guidance with mobile infants. You help mobile infants learn the foundation of self-control by helping them learn to explore safely and begin soothing themselves. According to Zero to Three (2009), you should focus on redirecting the baby’s attention: Set limits clearly and firmly, but do not get angry. Mobile infants respond well to guidance techniques that:

• Help them know what to do rather than what not to do. Use positive language like, “Come to the climber” instead of “Stop climbing the bookshelf.”
• Provide safe spaces for exploration. Make sure everything in the room is safe for tiny fingers and mouths.
• Continue responding to the infant’s needs. Remember, crying is a form of communication. Respond quickly when an infant is hungry, tired, hurt or uncomfortable. Crying can also be a cue that the infant wants to engage or interact with something he or she cannot reach. Observe infant's cues (e.g., the direction of their stare or reach) and try to help them accomplish their goals.

Toddlers, Preschoolers, and School-Agers

For toddlers (typically over one-year-old), preschoolers, and school-age children, the following guidance techniques are appropriate, according to Hearron and Hildebrand (2012):

• Appropriate expectations for children’s behavior: Child guidance begins with establishing a limited number of positively stated expectations for behavior. These expectations apply to everyone in the setting. Examples might include “be safe” or “be respectful.”
• Managing space, time, and energy: Through guidance techniques, you create a space that promotes positive behavior. Adults arrange and rearrange the physical space and the schedule of the day to meet children’s needs. A common example is moving furniture to eliminate a large open space that children use for running. Another example is making large-group times shorter to eliminate challenging behavior as children get bored.
• Experiences that engage the whole child: The curriculum is the foundation of everything we do. If children are bored, overstimulated, or uninterested, they will engage in challenging behavior. Thoughtfully engaged learners don’t have time for challenging behavior!
• Maximizing our relationships: Guidance is based on relationships. Strategies develop as you get to know the children, observe them, and listen to their play and their stories. It is based on finding the positive attributes of every child and recognizing them. Spend “neutral” time with children by listening, playing, and enjoying time together.
• Expressing feelings: Staff might say, “I can tell you’re sad about cleaning up right now, but it’s not safe for you to stay here by yourself. Would you like to write a note to let everyone know you are saving your work for later?” It is also about being genuine and expressing your own feelings. An adult might say, “What you are doing makes me feel scared. I don’t think it’s safe. Let’s do this instead.”
• Notice and recognize positive behaviors: An important part of positive guidance is encouragement. We notice and describe accomplishments or positive behaviors. A staff member might recognize behavior by saying, “Jonah, I bet you are really proud of yourself for solving that problem.” Or “I noticed that you gave Sonya a turn on the computer. She really appreciated that. Thank you.”
• Provide short, clear directions: Use a natural tone of voice and make eye contact. Check in to make sure children understood. 
• Provide choices: Whenever possible, offer children a choice. You can let children decide where they will play, what they will play (e.g., build a castle or a farm in the block area), how they will do something (sit or stand at the art easel), the order they will do things in (first block area then water table), and whom they do things with.
• Redirect children to appropriate behaviors: When a challenging behavior occurs, adults must know how to get the child back on track. “No,” “stop,” and “don’t” do little to help a child know what to do. An example of a positive redirection is, “Keep the water in the table” or “Walk inside.”
• Use gestures, pictures, or other cues to help children understand: You might point to a picture schedule on the wall to help a child move to a new activity.
• Facilitate social problem-solving: Help children know what to do when they have a problem. Help them learn to recognize their problem, come up with solutions, make a decision, and try it out. As children get older, you can simply facilitate this process and be available to help them work through social problems. Young children will likely need your help coming up with possible solutions to try.
• Tune into the child’s temperament. A child’s temperament can influence their ability to manage feelings and cope with stress. They may need extra time and guidance based on temperament. 

Although learning and understanding the variability in developmentally appropriate language and interactions of working with children in each age group can be overwhelming, the basic principles of guidance remain the same.

Unacceptable Forms of Guidance

All the staff members have a professional responsibility to keep children safe from harm. This includes emotional, psychological, and mental harm. There are certain types of adult behaviors that have the potential to inflict harm and model aggression. When you use aggressive techniques with children, they and their families learn that aggressive responses to behavior are OK. That is not the message we want to send children and families. The following practices have no place in child and youth programs:

• Corporal punishment: You may not, under any circumstances, strike, hit, whip, spank, or use any other form of physical punishment on a child of any age.
• Withholding physical needs: You may not, under any circumstances, withhold food, sleep, physical activity or other needs like toileting from a child as punishment.
• Yelling, shaming, belittling, or threatening a child: You may not, under any circumstances, intentionally make a child fear for their physical or psychological safety. You may not call children hurtful names, threaten children, or make children feel shame.
• Isolating a child: You may not punish a child by leaving them alone (i.e., leaving a child on the playground alone because they did not line up with the group) or by putting the child in “time out” in an enclosed space like a closet, restroom, or cardboard box.
• Binding or restricting a child’s movements: You may not punish a child by preventing them from being able to move or speak (i.e., covering a child’s mouth or hands with tape).

It is important that all staff members working in a program that serves children and youth understand that these practices will never be tolerated. Consider how you might react to a situation that borders use of any of these practices. It is equally important to be prepared for how you might respond if you observe an unacceptable form of guidance.

Inappropriate Responses

Take a moment to think about the scenarios below. What would you say or do if you observed a fellow staff member or family child care provider respond to a child in these ways? What would you do in the moment to best support that child? How would you follow-up with your colleague? How would you follow-up with leadership in your program?

Each of these scenarios are reflective of inappropriate responses. You may say or do different things in the moment depending on your role in the program, but it is important to take immediate action for the safety and wellbeing of children.

• In the first scenario you could immediately validate Trinity’s emotions and model appropriate responses. For example, you might say, in a warm and soothing tone, “Good morning, Trinity. I see you are sad. I sometimes feel that way too when I say goodbye to my family. What do you think might help you feel better? Would you like to read a book with me or write a note to your mom together?” In addition, you should speak with your program manager to share your concern about the other staff member’s response so that appropriate follow-up support can take place.
• In the second scenario, you might say, “I know Sean is building his skills to communicate his ideas and wants to others. Let’s reach out to Teri, our Training & Curriculum Specialist, to see how she can help.” Again, it would be important to quickly communicate with your program leadership so that appropriate follow-up can happen.
• In the third scenario, you might say to Sheila, “It seems like Dana’s behavior is really challenging for you. How about if I supervise this area for a bit to give you a break. I know when I struggle with certain behaviors, talking with our FCC Coordinator has really helped me develop new strategies.” In addition, you should follow up with the FCC Coordinator or Training & Curriculum Specialist about the incident to ensure that Sheila gets the support that she needs.

Remember, if you are ever unsure if an incident is child abuse, report it. Your commitment, first and foremost, is to the children’s wellbeing. The local area Family Advocacy Program or other relevant offices will be able to determine the best next steps to ensure children's safety.

Strategies to Ensure a Caring Community

The following strategies will help you remain positive and create a caring community:

• Remember that children (and families) are always watching. You are a role model even when you think no one is watching. The way you respond to children and to stressful situations is important.
• Keep a copy of your program’s Guidance and Touch policy near other information that you share with families. If revisions are made, make sure you have the most recent version of the policy.
• Practice positive guidance. Ask your trainer, administrator, or a co-worker to observe your work with children. Ask for feedback on whether you provide positive directions, how many positive comments you make, how many negative comments you make, etc. Set a goal to say four positives for every negative.
• If you get overwhelmed, step away from the situation. Make sure children are safe, and never leave children unsupervised or a room out of ratio. Simply step away to a different part of the room or ask another adult to take over what you were doing. Everyone needs a break sometimes. You can even model positive techniques by saying, “I’m going to go take a deep breath and come back ready to help you think of some solutions to this problem.”
• Watch your words. Harsh or critical words stick with us. Children are especially vulnerable because they look up to you. Make sure you use words that encourage and support. Do not use words that shame, belittle, or insult a child.