Every parent eventually faces the challenge of their toddler having a meltdown in the middle of a store or their 6-year-old defying rules and limits. While these situations can be frustrating for adults, these behaviors are quite normal for children at these ages. With patience and positive guidance from adults, these difficult behaviors typically fade over time.

It’s essential for families and their child care providers to have a range of strategies for supporting children with challenging behaviors. The following strategies are effective for all children, both at home and in child care settings. They are particularly useful in preventing or managing difficult behaviors.

1. Ensure that your child and those around them are safe. If your child’s behavior poses a risk of injury to themselves or others, intervene immediately to prevent harm. For young children, simply pick them up and move them away from the situation.
2. Change environment or setting. If your child’s behavior occurs only in certain situations, specific places, or only around certain people, you may be able to stop the behavior by observing what is happening in these instances. You may stop the behavior just by removing your child from that setting or from being around those people.
3. Create a distraction. Young children can frequently be redirected from undesirable behaviors through distraction. For instance, if your preschooler struggles with sharing toys and starts conflicts with others, introduce a different toy to capture their attention. Present the new toy in a way that makes it seem particularly appealing.
4. Inform your child about upcoming changes in advance. Children generally thrive on routines and predictability, and deviations from their usual schedule can lead to distress and challenging behaviors. Whenever possible, give your child a heads-up about what to expect. For example, say, “Today, after your nap, Grandma will pick you up instead of me.” This helps them prepare for any adjustments to their routine.
5. Respond calmly, and keep your words brief. It can be challenging to understand your child when they are upset, speaking loudly, or talking excessively. Avoid discussing what is right or wrong while either of you is still upset. Instead, wait for a calm and appropriate moment to address the issue when both of you are composed and can engage in a more effective conversation.
6. Teach alternative behaviors. Focus on guiding your child towards positive actions rather than just telling them what not to do. For instance, say “Please tell me calmly what’s wrong,” rather than “Stop screaming!”
7. Provide choices. Allowing your child to make choices fosters independence and gives them some control over their surroundings. For instance, you might ask, “Would you like to put your shoes on before we get in the car or after you're in your seat?”
8. Acknowledge the positives—recognize when your child displays good behavior. Adults often overlook positive actions, focusing instead on negative behaviors. Reinforcing positive behaviors encourages their continuation. Offer praise when your child demonstrates good behavior. For instance, say “You did a great job waiting for your turn. You waited so calmly!”
9. Be consistent. Children thrive on predictability and routine. Set regular schedules for your child and adhere to them, such as routines for meals, getting dressed, and going to child care. For example, you might say, “It’s almost 7:30; time to get in the car.”
10. Use humor or games. Preschoolers and young children who are angry or upset can often be soothed with a bit of fun. For example, you might say, “Let’s see how quickly you can buckle your seatbelt. If you can do it before I get mine on, you win the game!”

There are some behaviors that continue to persist despite the use of developmentally appropriate positive guidance strategies. Challenging behaviors tend to occur regularly and may include aggression, self-injury, disruptive behavior, and non-compliance. For challenging behaviors that do not respond to regular guidance strategies, you should:

1. Consult with your child’s pediatrician.
2. Document your child’s behavior over time including when the behavior occurs, what happens before and after the behavior, who is in the environment, and the response to the behavior.
3. Share your observations with your child’s teacher and ensure they are documenting their observations during child care.
4. Use a team approach to address your child’s behavior.

Adapted from: The National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA). (2010). Children with challenging behavior: How you and your child care provider can help. The Daily Parent: A Newsletter for Working Parents.