Directions: First, review the case study about Devon and Kelly. Determine if you think Devon and Kelly's sexual behaviors are normative by answering the questions from the Sexual Behavior Reflection Tool (this tool is also available in the Apply section) and brainstorm how you would respond in the moment and after the fact. You may find it helpful to refer to the suggested answers for additional guidance. Share your responses with your trainer, coach, or administrator.

School-Age Case Study: Devon and Kelly

Devon and Kelly are 12-year-olds in an after-school program at the same school. Both claimed to be “boyfriend and girlfriend” about two months ago, though they frequently “break up” and get back together. Devon and Kelly’s families are good friends, and they socialize together often. Other children in the program gossip about how the two of them “make out in Kelly’s bedroom” when Devon’s family is visiting.

Devon and Kelly have been observed to hold hands and put their arms around each other during the program, especially when getting off the bus and during outdoor time. Program staff have asked that they not engage in these behaviors and explained what types of touch are appropriate, but they need to be reminded of these guidelines. Sometimes when they are “broken up,” Devon will attempt to put his arms around Kelly even when it is unwanted. Program staff respond to this by telling Devon to “leave Kelly alone.” A staff member has separately spoken with both sets of parents about the behaviors and guidelines given to Devon and Kelly about appropriate touch while in the program. Both sets of parents seems to think “kids this age will be kids.” Kelly’s parent responded that their behaviors are “cute” and says that this is the age when kids start dating. Devon’s parent finds the behavior to be funny and stated, “Devon is learning how to chase girls.”

 

Sexual Behavior Reflection Tool

 

1. Is the behavior random or infrequent?

The behavior happens on and off.

 

 

2. Is the behavior typical for the child’s age and developmental ability?

Yes, it is typical for children/youth this age to begin to feel and sometimes show affection for others in this way.

 

 

3. Is the behavior driven by curiosity, exploration, and playfulness?

Yes, Devon and Kelly are exploring changing emotions and relationships that are typical for their age.

 

 

4. If other children are involved, is it mutual and good-humored?

It is mostly mutual but sometimes unwanted by Kelly.

 

 

5. If other children are involved, do they know each other well and are they of a similar age and development?

Devon and Kelly are very close and spend a lot of time together.

 

 

6. Is the behavior easily redirected?

They stop when asked to do so but need reminders of the rules.

 

 

Is this normative sexual behavior?

Though this is not a black-and-white situation, this is still likely considered normative behavior. Think about the mixed messages Devon and Kelly receive between home and the program. Also, it is typical for children this age to push boundaries, question rules, and need support with decision-making regarding peer interaction.

 

 

Response Tool

 

Describe the behavior:

Holding hands and putting their arms around each other while in the program 

 

Responding: In the Moment

Pause

• Stay calm and control any frustration towards Devon and Kelly.
• Think carefully about the best words to use and ways to support.

 

Redirect

• Calmly remind Devon and Kelly of your program rules.
• Let them know that they can talk and sit next to each other while in the program.
• Encourage them to explore a variety of activities and friendships.

 

Listen

• Check in with Devon and Kelly separately. Give them each time to express their thoughts and share your viewpoint as a staff member, too. Empathize with them that you know it can be confusing, especially when home and program rules are different.

 

Teach

• Support all the children by discussing how we respect ourselves and others.
• Reinforce that no one is to touch you without your permission.
• Explain to Devon and Kelly that they are some of the oldest children in the program and are role models for others. Praise their role model behavior.
• Make sure Devon is supported with appropriately responding to others' cues and reactions.
• Make sure Kelly is comfortable respectfully communicating and disagreeing.

 

 

Responding: After the Fact

Reflect

• It must be very confusing for Devon and Kelly given their development, home rules, and emotions. They are experiencing normal feelings but need support in understanding rules and expecations. They are capable of knowing different sets of rules, but they may need support in truly understanding and following these differences.

 

Prepare

• Know the In the Moment steps for these behaviors.
• Kelly and Devon may benefit from a gentle reminder of the rules as soon as they get off the bus.
• Make sure the program is supporting Devon and Kelly in other ways. You might try to offer some activities around their interests.

 

Communicate

• Communicate with co-staff so there are consistent responses.
• Continue to communicate with both families. Share that you respect their home rules and parenting but reinforce that you, as a staff member, must abide by program guidelines. Ask for their suggestions for ways you can encourage Devon and Kelly to follow program rules. Thank them for their collaboration.