Caregivers and parents may use these six steps to teach children how to resolve conflicts.

1. Approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions

   Place yourself between the children, on their level; use a calm voice and gentle touch; remain neutral rather than take sides.

2. Acknowledge children’s feelings

   Say something simple such as “You look really upset”; (if there is a dispute over an object, let children know you need to hold the object).

3. Gather information

   Ask “What's the problem?” Do not ask “why” questions.

4. Restate the problem

   “So the problem is...” Use and extend the children’s vocabulary, substituting neutral words for hurtful or judgmental ones (such as “stupid”) if needed.

5. Ask for ideas for solutions and choose one together

   Encourage children to think of a solution, but offer options if the children are unable to at first.

6. Be prepared to give follow up support

   Acknowledge children’s accomplishments, e.g., “You solved the problem!” Stay nearby in case anyone is not happy with the solution and the process needs repeating.